Athena, the world’s sweetest bunny girl

[Meg]

This morning Athena, my sweet girl, my heart, passed away after two and a half days of decline.  She was 10, and it turned out she had liver and kidney failure — but she seemed happy and healthy up until 3 nights ago.  I’m glad that she didn’t suffer long.  But it still feels so sudden, and I am totally beside myself with grief.  Teddy, her BFF and husbun of more than 9 years, is still with us and hanging in there pretty well, considering, which I’m really grateful for.  My heart breaks for him too, because I know that as much as I already miss Athena, she was his world in a whole other way.  I don’t know how we will go forward without being able to cuddle her every day.

Athena is the most sweet-natured, peaceful, affectionate bunny I’ve ever known.  She was always super enthusiastic about food, but would readily pause her feasts for nose rubs.  She *loved* to snuggle, as illustrated in this adorable/hilarious photo where she’s wedged herself in between Teddy and their cuddle circle.  : )  And I just felt like we understood each other, you know?  Like we really connected.  She was my first real pet as an adult, and I adore her with my whole heart.

I’ve been sobbing *all* day long and I know I have a lot of crying left to do.  I just love her so much and I want her to come back.  !!!  =(  This was so sudden and I just can’t believe she’s gone.  I keep looking for her.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful — she had 10+ very happy and healthy years and didn’t suffer long at all when the end came, and I know that’s about the best we can hope for with a pet.  Except I am never, ever ready to say goodbye.

This is the first bunny I’ve lost and I am really struggling, so any advice would be very appreciated.  I also want to support Teddy as best I can and not stress him out too much with all my grief.  

Thank you.  

[Phil]

What a great age she was, I lost jasper after 8 years of joy and happiness its so hard when they go as they are a great part of you, be proud of how well you took care of little Athena she had a long happy life with you

[Meg]

Thank you! I am really losing it. I just can’t believe she’s gone all of a sudden. I keep looking for her. I just want her to come back to us!!!! =( =( =(

[Meg]

Thank you! I am really losing it. I just can’t believe she’s gone all of a sudden. I keep looking for her. I just want her to come back to us!!!! =( =( =(

I really need help.

[Bladesmith]

I feel your pain. I’m sorry for your loss.

[jerseygirl]

Binky Free, Beautiful Athena!

Meg, my heart go out to you. I know you know she had a full life but it doesn’t stop us wanting them back.

I just read your old BB thread from when you were considering adopting her. <3 Im so glad you went with your heart and you got to experience that special bond you had with her.

It’s something I love about the forum here is you can go back and find things you’d shared and tap back into that moment. It’s lke a journal. 

Your joy when you brought her home was really evident and reminded me of how I felt when I first got Jersey. 

I hope in the coming days and weeks, you will smile more with the memories and it be less painful. But for now, absolutely do cry for your girl and make no apology for it. We need to do that sometimes.

After you mentioned her love of snuggling, I went in search of photos you may have shared before. I found 2 adorable ones. <3 Im happy to add them here in her tribute thread, if you like.

[Meg]

Thank you so much, Jerseygirl!!  I really appreciate it.  You are so kind and yes, I’d love it if you’d add those photos, thank you!  I’ll post a few of my favorites here too.  One of the few comforts these past couple of tortuous days has been looking through old photos and videos of her.  And yes, reading through my past posts here.  And on Facebook where I was posting all my excitement about adopting her and Teddy and getting to know them both back in 2009.  <3

I’m so grateful too that she and I found each other, and that you and others here on the forum gave me the courage to go with my heart and adopt her.  One of the best things ever to happen to me, and I am soooo thankful.  This sweet, loving bunny girl and I always had such a bond, such a connection (and I used to joke that I knew we were related because of how she liked to cuddle and “snack-nap,” where she’d stretch out right in the middle of her food so that she could snack without having to get up .  I know that connection will continue, but I miss SO MUCH being able to see her and cuddle her, the pain is almost unbearably sharp.  

I did find something that helped a bit yesterday.  I had taken some time to go for a walk in the woods and journal back in May, when I finally realized I had to do something to try to make even a modicum of peace with the idea that the bunnies wouldn’t live forever, because any meal they didn’t eat all their food exactly as normal, I freaked out *way* too much.  So I journalled and wrote myself a letter about what I should remember when this time came.  The most helpful part for me was basically trying to process it more like a bunny and less like the neurotic human that I am: 

• Respect their way of being.  They are all about peace, and rest, and love, and joy, and enjoyment, and then more sweet and pure and simple peace.  They like to play and binky.  They like to nap and snuggle.  They love to have treats, and compete with each other for their favorite foods even though they love each other so much.  They are pure bunnitude and pure love and pure peace and realness.  
• They only want rest and enjoyment and affection and goodness – for themselves and for each other and for everyone.  They would NEVER want to be seen as a source of fear, pain, anguish, worry, etc.  That is alien to their way of being.  

And then I had even written (I’d forgotten about this!) some things to keep in mind for when/if one of the bunnies passed and left behind their BFF (which is actually the part I’d been dreading the most, because I would be so heartbroken for the remaining bun):

• First, respect their way of being.  They don’t process things the way you do (thank god).  Try to notice where they’re actually at and what they actually seem to need, instead of projecting.
• Second, like you, what they most need is just peaceful, wordless, loving presence.  Just be there.  Just give them that loving company.  Just see them and say “I love you.”  Not in your super teary, histrionic human way.  In your strongest, most transcendently loving way.  
• Also, connect to Love and notice how much Love loves both bunnies.  And you.  This is not your torch to bear alone or anything like that.  You didn’t invent love (thank god).  It’s always been. Long before you and long after you.  You will also die, before many of the trees you see in the nearby forest, and that is fine.  That doesn’t mean your love is going anywhere, and Love is carrying all beings along, with the greatest power in all of the universe.

Anyway, these things brought me a little peace so I wanted to share on the off-chance they could help others in a similar boat.

Thank you so much again, for everything.

[Phil]

Bless her soul she was so sweet, very ?

[jerseygirl]

She’s so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your journal writings. That was an inspired idea to write that for yourself.   The sentiment is so touching and very helpful.

Here are the additional pics of the snuggle puddle pair. 

  adorable !!

[Meg]

Thank you so much, Jerseygirl!!  I really appreciate it.  Yes, she was such a beautiful bunny.  And I love those photos you posted, of the little snugglers in their very first year together.  They continued professional-level snuggling and Athena loved to be in the middle, between Teddy and whatever surface he had been leaning against.  She would come over and wedge herself right in there, for maximum cuddling surface area. 

I still cry every day, multiple times.  Mornings are worst, and evenings are better.  Last night I felt more peaceful, but I think I was in a form of denial; I think my brain was feeling like she was away at camp or something and would be back next week.  In the mornings, the grief is huge and heavy and sharp and ineluctable.  

Thank you so much for all of your support.

p.s. Here are Athena and Teddy grooming

, and with my boyfriend.  (They’ve never voluntarily gotten on the couch with us, but we took this opportunity to get a quick family photo in between clipping their nails.)

[Author]

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