And at last, the family is reunited….

[MimzMum]

…On the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Today we took Shadow to our vet. She only had to take a cursory look at him to know he was in trouble. And with his advanced age and the fact he’d basically been down for two days already (though this deterioration originally must’ve started weeks ago at least) she was pretty sure he was in the late stages of kidney failure.

I hadn’t noticed, till she looked at them, how pale his gums were. By the time we’d gotten him there this afternoon (they had to squeeze us in) he had what I can only call a ‘death rattle’ in his chest. I guess fluid buildup. She did offer us the opportunity to try some bloodwork and therapy, but didn’t have a good prognosis for him in the state he was in. She gave him a few weeks to a month at best, to a few days at worst.

So we agreed it was time. She shaved his rear leg, she inserted the needle (twice, there was hardly any blood pressure-he was so dehydrated) and asked if we were ready. After we said yes and then began our goodbyes, I don’t think even 30 seconds passed before he went limp. It was so quick! He was ready…but I know we really were not. Had he fought it, like Taiku did for half an hour, it would’ve been a disaster. As it was, you could tell…this was what he needed more than anything.

I’m not in here for more than this tonight. I just can’t even deal with this right now. I have no idea where his poem is I wrote for him last year. It was hard enough to see him go so fast, knowing if we’d acted earlier there may have been a different outcome, but still only another month or two…and now he’s in the ground in our back yard with Taiku, Dusty, Willow and Kimba. Just shy of spring…but it was still a bright and sunny day and I think he was happy with the car ride…something else we didn’t do enough of with him.

Their family is back together again. But our human family is broken.

I kept feeling like there was joy though. It wasn’t just me imagining it because I usually imagine the worst. I kept seeing Shadow’s face beaming at me. Happy and young again…his big old tongue hanging out in the sunshine.

It was a beautiful day today. The kind of day he would’ve wanted to run in. I know we handed him directly from our arms into the Lord’s. He’s got a really good dog up there with him now….the best.

We’re missing him so much. I feel so lost. I cut a lock of his fur from his shoulders, his ear and his beautiful feet, and in return gave him a lock of mine. My hair is 6 inches shorter now.

I forgot to take off his collar. I wanted to really free him. But we put him in a warm brown fleece blanket I couldn’t get soft enough for the bed that had running wolves imprinted in white all over it. He’s okay now. I know he is. But I won’t be for awhile.

Thank you to everyone who lent their prayers and kind words and wishes for his recovery. Rest assured, they were heard and answered.

I may not be on for a few days or more. When I come back, I’ll try to add a better pic and the poem for his tribute. Right now…I just can’t stop crying.

Thank you Jesus for the time we had with this special boy. I know you’ll take good care of him until we meet again.

It’s not goodbye, Shadow. We will be together again, dear one! Find that beach, boy…you never got to go to the ocean. I’ll see you there, someday.

*kisses&hugs*

Taken Feb. 2004 ~ This is the face I can see in my mind’s eye.

[TARM]

Oh MM, he was gorgeous. You did the best thing for him today. You were selfless and showed him the ultimate act of love. I’m sending healing vibes for your broken heart. (((hugs)))

[jerseygirl]

Though you may not read this just now, please know you all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. So heartbreaking to read this update yet your description of how he slipped off so quickly does seem to tell that it was time. (((Mary)))

He is absolutely gorgeous and has a magnifcent spirit from what you have told before.  Without a doubt, a charismatic dog like him will leave a void. Though you have the past 14 years to reflect on the bond and love you shared with such an amazing boy.

Shadow, rest in Peace with your kin.

[Monkeybun]

Oh Mary I’m so sorry… As soon as I saw the title, i started crying, knowing what you were going to say…

My thoughts and prayers are with you, run free Shadow, and watch over your human family

*hugs*

[Sarita]

Hugs MM. I will light a candle for Shadow so he can cross the bridge and be whole again. What a handsome fellow he was.

[Carrot Lane Bunny]

Im sorry mimzmum! I sent you a message.

[CharleyGirl]

Oh hun I’m so sorry! He had the best family a dog could ever ask for. His gorgeous! May he rest in peace. ((((((((( hugs to Mimz & her family))))))))

[Deleted User]

Mimzy I couldn’t read your entire post. It is hard, I can imagine how hard… I just looked at the photo of Shadow and I can see how much you loved him.
He is such a beautiful boy!

[ScooterandAnnette]

Oh I was so afraid this was the case when we didn’t get an update to his thread yesterday! I am so sorry for your loss, this must be so very difficult for your family. Sending our best healing/calming thoughts out to you.
– Annette

[Lintini]

I am so sorry for your loss, I send you my best wishes,thoughts, and my deepest sympathy for you and your family. He is so beautiful and I am so glad he was able to share his life with you. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[LittlePuffyTail]

My condolences on the loss of Shadow. I’m sure you will see him again someday and he will be the Shadow who wants to run and play. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[Binkles]

Oh Mimz, what a beautiful boy. I’m so sorry he had to go, but you did the best thing for him, and I’m glad you know that. There was a reason it was a beautiful day, and it wasn’t meteorlogical.

[LoveChaCha]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss
*many hugs*

[angelicvampyre]

I am so sorry to read this however I wanted to tell you that growing up my father always buried anything with something from us. What I mean is that the horses where always buried with their halter and lead rope, the bulls or show cows with their ropes, the pet lambs with their collars and the dogs and cats with theirs. My day told me that that way when we all met again to cross the ranbow bridge as a family both feathers, fured, fined and skined we would always know each other. When my dog was put down we buried her with her collar and lead so that when it was my time she would be ready and waiting for me to take her for our final walk. I hope that makes you feel a little better. Know that we are here for you when you are ready. HUGE HUGS

[Deleted User]

Mimz, more vibes from us here in the forum, for you, I know your heart is broken right now.

[Beka27]

Hugs M. I’m so, so sorry. You did the right thing.

(((Shadow)))

[MimzMum]

Just in for a little bit today to thank everyone for their kind words. We’re muddling through here. Hubby is really broken up and it kills me to see him so hurt.
Going to be a nice, warm day tomorrow, so I’m hoping to make the long walk we used to take in Shadow’s memory. (DH cannot make this distance because of his back, so it’ll probably just be me.) 40 above is nothing to just waste away indoors.
Hopefully the trail is open, but I’ve still got bibs & boots to wear if not. ^_^
Thanks again everyone. Truly. I’d be lost without y’all!

[Monkeybun]

MM, tell your hubby not to hate me, k? >.>

[RabbitPam]

MM, I am so sorry.
Shadow was such a beautiful dog, and his family just had bad luck with this condition. He is with them all now, and will try to comfort you in his own way from over the bridge.
I read this, and Sammy ran over to me and nose rubbed my feet. She sends hugs to you.
{{{{{{Hugs to MM, Hubby, your daughter and son, and the furbabies.}}}}}}}

{Run free, Shadow}

[MimzMum]

Posted By Monkeybun on 03/18/2010 05:23 PM
MM, tell your hubby not to hate me, k? >.>

 

                       MB, I am confused. What do you mean? Did I say something to cause your response?

                      I mentioned his back simply because he has a fractured lower back and he’s had trouble walking long distances for about 20 years now. I don’t blame him for not going, I simply know it will be too much for him. He’d love to make the walk if he could.

                      I’ve spent the day putting Shadow’s picture on my cell phone and I’m currently struggling with my carrier to get that Green Day song as my ringtone…I’ve got pitiful few bars here though, so it’s not working. (grrr)

[MimzMum]

Thank you, Pam, for your kindness. It means so much.
I loved the card, btw…that graphic of the bunny was so adorable, I snagged it with my FLIP video. It’s blurry, but I can still make it out.
Yeah, the lot of them sure didn’t have good luck with their rear ends. Our vet said hip displaysia and it’s inherent associations are very common in larger dogs. However, I am not a small dog person, so I was kind of destined to have to deal with this sort of thing with them.
Still looking for that poem…no idea where I put it…what a dummy! *forehead smack*

[Monkeybun]

You’ll find out in a week or so MM lol. Just keep an eye on the mail man… >.>

[Sage Cat]

Run Free Shadow, Taiku, Dusty, Willow and Kimba. Be happy together.

{ { { { Hugs Mary!! } } } }

[MimzMum]

Well I finally found my poem, but it’s not as good as I remember it. Going to give it a brief rewrite before I post it.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes. This is the family I can always bring my pet worries and sorrows to and you all understand. It is a great comfort.

I did go on my walk today. It was so strange to do without either dog. (Like an idiot I forgot my camera, so I have no pix to post of the field and trail in snow for you, sorry!) And the scary part was going past this one house where there’s a yard full of mushing dogs that I never know when the three guard dogs they have there will be running free or not. But I managed to get by both ways unscathed.

It’s going to be tough feeling safe without that big boy by my side.

[BinkyBunny]

I’ve been out of town for two weeks, and didn’t see this until now. I”m so sorry Mimzmum. How painful things have been for you. HUGS.

Shadow was such a beautiful beautiful dog and loved member of your family. What a wonderful gift to have had and I hope soon the love and memories will help heal and fill the hole that has been left behind.

Sending Peace and Healing Vibes to you and your family.

[mrmac]

I am sorry to hear about Shadow, he was such a beautiful boy. (((Hugs!)))

[wiseleyd]

 I am so sorry; he was a beautiful animal! It is so hard to lose the beings who share our space and lives! Lots of hugs and healing for you and yours.

[MimzMum]

Well, it’s been over a month now. And to date I’ve only dreamed of Shadow twice. Once about a week or two after his death, and when I woke up from it I felt like he was saying goodbye. And last night. He was at the bottom of a hill in the shade of a willow tree on a chain and I went to throw my arms around him and hug him and give belly rubs. He was his old self again, young, happy, full of energy. His body was shining with rainbow light. I wanted to take him with me, but when I went back for him I woke up.

I’ve tried to rewrite his poem, but I simply can’t. Since losing him, I feel less connected with this world; if it weren’t for the bunnies and my cats, I would have a harder time getting up in the morning, if at all. I often feel that he is calling me from the other side, waiting for me to come home.

So for now, since I don’t have his memorial video made (or even started outside of gathering all his pictures) I’m just going to post the poem. It needs to be included in his memorial, before too much time elapses.

So here we go….

**********

I remember when I first heard of you.
A shadow of something I thought I knew,
Until…

I remember when I first saw you,
Dragging your past down the street.
A future promise on a string,
Shining…

I waited for you to notice me,
But other love was in your life then,
And you flew to it.
You flew….

I was lucky to catch a glimpse of my Shadow.

I waited for your promise to be fulfilled,
It seemed like forever.
And even when I had it in my hands,
It was still not mine.

Slowly,
So slowly,
You realized I was the light to cast you,
And you fell in behind,
Obedient.

Yet mostly you went before me,
Never walking.
Never running.
Flying.

I can see you floating over the fields,
Soaring.
The shine from your eyes is blinding,
And with you I am not afraid anymore.

For so long you have been my Shadow.
Oddly,
Wonderfully,
You kept the darkness away,
And it is I who pale beside you
Now.

Someday you will go before me,
One last time
Back to Eden.
You will fly
To a new place to shine,
And I’ll be alone here
In the dark.
Shadowless.

But I know you are watching over me,
As you have done for so many years.
And one day we’ll fly together.
I expect you to be waiting,
And fly to me
When you see me coming.

Fly to me
And under the Eternal Sun,
Be my Shadow
Again.

11:14 PM 1-13-09

You’ll notice the time of writing was over a year ago. This was while he was recuperating at the vet’s after his GDV surgery. I was totally unsure that he would come home at all, so I wrote this. However, it still applies.

I miss you boy. Still. Always.

[Barbie]

Oh that’s a beautiful poem, MM

(((Hugs!)))

[Monkeybun]

Thats beautiful MM, it made me cry its perfect the way it is, you so don’t need to rewrite it.

*hugs*

[jerseygirl]

[Karla]

That is such a beautiful poem. It made me all teary.

[Lintini]

Beautiful poem. You made the ocean come to my eyes as well. You really are a terrific writer Mimz. Beautiful.

[Author]

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