Heartbroken Over Marla

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This topic has 16sd replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 2 months ago by September.

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- 10/22/2017 at 11:45 PM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Hello everyone.
  I read this forum alot but have never posted. But I am really in need of connection with other bunny parents.
  
  On Friday afternoon I lost my funny bunny, Marla, after deciding to euthanize her. I am guilt stricken and flooded with thoughts that this is all my fault.
  
  On Wednesday night she was her normal self, but a couple hours later she had found refuge in the bathroom, which she never did, was quite lethargic and not eating or drinking. And her tummy was hard. My husband took her to the vet for me Thursday morning as I had to work. I didn’t know the bunny vet wasn’t in they day but the regular vet gave her subcutaneous fluids and took x-rays. She told me she couldn’t tell exactly what was going on, just that there was gas in her system. She said I could take her to the emergency vet for overnight observation, and where a surgeon would be on call. I was apprehensive about the emergency vet due to their costs, and I was not going to opt for any gi surgery because I read it is never good in bunnies.
  
  My second option was to bring her home that night, keep her comfortable as possible and back to the same office in the morning so the vet with more bunny experience could see her. I stayed up all night with Marla, giving her simethecone and very rubs, and keeping her warm and crying over her and debating if I should take her to the ER vet, and questioning myself for not taking her. Basically feeling like an animal abuser for not taking her. I felt better in the morning when I saw how much normal poop she had pooped, but her belly was so much bigger and she still want eating or drinking. She was hopping around but it seemed to exhaustion her. She would also take a deep breath and sigh.
  
  I took her back to the vet first thing. She told me what she thought would be best, pain meds, force feeding her, giving her Reglan (??)to help get things moving, and keep her hydrated. She called me later in the day and said nothing had improved, Marla was actually worse. Her belly bigger and in more pain.
  
  I had been researching frantically since Wednesday night and all I could think since then it’s that Marla had bloat and if I didn’t make the decision to euthanize she would have a horrible and painful death.
  
  She was put to sleep Friday afternoon and I cannot forgive myself. She would have been just one year old next month ?
  
  I feel like I will never recover from this because I feel like it’s my fault she got sick in the first place and it’s my fault I didn’t take her to the ER vet.
  
  And I am really uncertain about everything because she was still pooping!
  
  I’m confused, angry, heartbroken and just lost.
  
  Just had to get that out there.
- 10/23/2017 at 3:01 AM
  Bam
  Moderator
  16977 posts
  I’m very sorry for your loss.
  
  It does sound like Marla had bloat. It’s not known what causes bloat. Bloat has very poor prognosis even with the absolute best vet care. Sometimes they can let out the gas through a tube, but it’s very, very rarely successful. I can’t see that you did anything wrong. In cases of real bloat, euthanasia is sadly the kindest thing to do, or the bunny dies in terrible pain. Maybe you have read this already, but I’m pasting the link in case someone else wants to read about this very deadly condition: http://www.medirabbit.com/EN/GI_diseases/Bloat/Bloat_ena.htm
  
  It’s so very tragic that you lost her, but try to not add guilt on to your grief. We always feel a certain amount of guilt when something bad happens to someone in our care, but some things are just not in our power as humans. Marla was very much loved and you made the right decisions for her. I don’t think it would’ve made any difference for the outcome if you had had her stay the night at the vets or taken her to the ER vet in the middle of the night. Instead she got to stay in her own home with her loving human and all the familiar smells and sounds.
  
  Binky Free, sweet little ****Marla****
- 10/23/2017 at 9:03 AM
  Serenity
  Participant
  173 posts
  I’m so so sorry for your loss!
  
  Binky free, baby girl!! ****Marla****
- 10/23/2017 at 10:01 AM
  Luna
  Participant
  2219 posts
  I’m so sorry about the loss of your bun at her young age. It’s that much harder and that much more unfair when they go so soon in life. I agree with everything Bam said, so please don’t blame yourself.
  
  Binky free Marla
- 10/23/2017 at 11:53 AM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Thank you for your kind words and support everyone. You have definitely helped me alot. We laid Marla to rest at a Conservation Cemetery today in a beautiful natural area. I feel a bit more at peace having that closure, but still well up with tears when I think about her little face and pretty, soft fur.
  
  I am considering memorial jewelery for her fur, and possibly my first tattoo, as a way to keep her close.
  
  I’m so sorry for any one else that has lost their bunny. The sadness is so overbearing. I’m grateful for this community and the opportunity to connect with you all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories and support.
  
  I may try to upload some pictures of Marla’s burial if that’s ok. It was quite beautiful.
  
  Thank you again.
  
  ❤
- 10/23/2017 at 3:12 PM
  Luna
  Participant
  2219 posts
  Of course, please share . Luna is my first bun so I haven’t experienced such grief/loss yet, but I know that other members have created different memorials for their buns (ie. videos, photo albums, paintings, tattoos) and it helped them a lot.
- 10/23/2017 at 7:40 PM
  Ellie from The Netherlands
  Participant
  2512 posts
  How awful, I’m very sorry for your loss :'( Binky free Marla!
  
  Bloat is a real nightmare: despite all the best care it can often be fatal. It’s heartbreaking to have to make the decision to ease her pain and let her pass over, but it’s the best thing you could have done for her in that situation. Trouble with breathing means that it was putting a lot of stress on her internal organs, and taking away her pain was the kindest thing to do.
  
  Feel free to share things about her, it helps to have a sort of memorial and a place to recall all the fond memories. As my BF says: despite all the heartbreak at the end, bunnies are so worth it. All those happy binkies, their quirks, the cuddles and the licks, the joy of those memories will always be worth it.
- 11/02/2017 at 7:22 AM
  September
  Participant
  110 posts
  Hello Jess
  I am so sorry about your loss of Marla. I feel every tiny bit of your pain, I really do. Thank you for your reply on my story of Timothy. Timothy passed suddenly, alone, and thinking about how, why and his last moments absolutely sends me crazy. To think he might have been in pain – I just can’t go there. I protected him for nearly 4 years and then at the end I didn’t and the guilt is overwhelming. If only…if only….
  
  This forum is wonderful, because here you are with people who totally understand about our losses.I found another pet loss forum, but it was mainly canine and feline, and those furbaby mummies and daddys just don’t really understand our love for these beautiful, special creatures.
  
  Time will take the edge off the guilt and grief, but we will never be the same.
  
  Thinking of you….
  
  Lynda
- 11/04/2017 at 11:32 AM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Thank you, Lynda.
  It was comforting to read your post. I’m glad it was there because when I have a hard day a turn here, to this forum. We are in the process of moving and I came across a packet of critical care food from Marla’s vet trips before she died. And just the word “rabbit” on the back triggered waves of guilt and thinking about her in her last days, and then here goes the water works. And here I thought I was doing pretty good. Ugh. It feels so fresh again.
  
  How are you doing lately?
- 11/04/2017 at 11:38 AM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Thank you, Ellie.
  
  One hilarious, and one of my favorite things about Marla was she had this little mohawk that usually laid down, but of I had to pick her up or ruffle her feathers in anyway, that little mohawk would stand straight up! She also played with out dog’s tail alot which was so cute. The best moments we’re when she was feeling affectionate and would like for me to rub my face on her face. Sounds weird, but she, well we, both loved it. Miss her little self.
- 11/07/2017 at 10:21 AM
  September
  Participant
  110 posts
  Hello Jess. I’ve been having a few bad days I must admit. Yes, I really get it that little tiny things trigger the tears. I still cannot walk down the veg aisle of the supermarket. If I have to, I avoid the kale and carrot tops. I avert my eyes when I drive past his vets, or the pet shop. A lady in front of me at the check out in a shop recently had a bale of hay food. The tears started streaming down my face. It make you wonder if it will ever stop.
  
  Marla sounds an absolute darling. I have so many tales about Timothy that I will share over time.
  
  Sending fond thoughts.
  
  Lynda
  xx
- 11/08/2017 at 10:01 PM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  ?The veggie aisle! I’m so sorry. And I understand.
  I had a jolt of pain today when I was rinsing some fresh herbs in the sink.
  I’m hoping to visit Marla’s grave soon. We have some beautiful rocks we want to place around where she’s buried. They are special rocks we’ve had for a long time, and they will be hers.
  
  I’ll be thinking about you, Lynda, and look forward to reading your stories about Timothy!
  
  ?
- 11/09/2017 at 12:43 AM
  Katie
  Participant
  106 posts
  ): Oh, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I have not yet lost a bunny either; Sirius is my first. But I can not imagine the pain….. My condolences to you. Just remember your bunny wouldn’t want you to be sad; of course not. Keep going for that sweet bun! Time is on your side.
  ♥♥♥♥♥
- 11/11/2017 at 2:33 AM
  September
  Participant
  110 posts
  Hello Jess. How are you?
  
  Did you get to visit Marla and lay her stones? It’s a lovely idea to do something special and it helps. Timothy is resting in our garden and we put his herb box over the top. We’ve filled it with winter flowers, butterflies and coloured lights and we can see it through the doors in our dining room. He’s still there with us when we are eating, just not lying under the table like he used to! But I still struggle sometimes with disassociating the fact he’s there and not here….if you understand what I mean. For a long time I thought, he’s a house bunny, he loved being indoors, he shouldn’t be out there. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but I suppose it’s part of the horrible grief process. Every morning I sit outside and have a little chat to him and a bit of a cry and it helps…..I sound like the crazy bunny lady!!?
  
  Xxxx
- 11/13/2017 at 6:58 AM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Thank you, Katie. Your bunny kind of looks like Marla she was always so hard to get a picture of because of her dark fur! Time is helping. Thank you again for your kindness.???
- 11/13/2017 at 7:15 AM
  JessHeartsMarla
  Participant
  10 posts
  Hi Lynda,
  
  Doing better, but still have those moments. I’m off today so I’m hoping we can go to the cemetery today. That’s so sweet you put Timothy’s herb box on his grave. We buried Marla with parsley.
  As far feeling sad about Timothy being outside, just think… He is now part of your beautiful garden, he is in a way, surrounding you. I like to think that Marla is becoming part of the natural growth of her green cemetery, and in that way, she will help to give more life and live on in the environment. That brings me peace. I think I just had one cry this week, and two almost cries, so it’s hurting less for me. But I still can’t believe we lost her so early on and so suddenly.
  
  If you need to cry everyday, it’s ok. There is no right or wrong way grieve. Do what you need to do! Thats so cute that he would lay under the table while you ate. Marla was a bit on the shy side, but Timothy sounds like he was a social butterfly!
  
  It’s helps to chat with you, Lynda. Thank you.
- 11/13/2017 at 10:18 AM
  September
  Participant
  110 posts
  Nice to hear you are a little better, Jess. I’m getting there, slowly but surely and I admit some days a lot better than others. In the spring I’d like to plant a rose bush or something similar next to his herb box. He loved being out in the garden with us, not so much when we weren’t with him. He would rather slob out in the lounge! I have a lovely photo of him lying watching football on the TV!
  
  Timothy was quite shy with us when we first had him. But over the past couple of years, he really bonded with us and just followed us everywhere. His character and personality grew and grew. That’s what I miss more than anything, having him at my heels, and nipping at me to play most of the time. The little tyke!
  
  All the best
  Lynda
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