I see homeless people around where I live. I feel very bad for some of them, especially if they have a dog with them. I am also a woman and feel nervous approaching them. I’m not sure what to do either. I want to give them gift cards to places that might sell food (Subway, McDonald’s, etc) but not money because they could use that to buy drugs or alcohol. I haven’t actually done this though. My parents’ church makes these giant bulgogi burritos for the homeless every week and distributes them.

It’s too likely that he might see you again after you helped him and possibly even find your home. People who are desperate often do not have the same social behavior as others, and he may have no qualms about coming to your home for help once he finds out you’re willing to give it.

At the risk of sounding hard-hearted, I would advise you not to approach him, for safety’s sake.

I would not give to him. I think that giving to charities that support the homeless is a good idea though. Really, you don’t know he is a student – I imagine if he is a student he could seek help from his school about options to help him rather than doing what he’s doing.

If you do help maybe get another person to be with you when you approach him. Maybe even in their vehicle if they don’t usually drive that way. I think a gift card for a grocery store or restaurant is a good idea too.

My old church used to give coupons and gift cards for food and gas to homeless people and people who got stuck in town without gas or money. My current church does something similar, as well as providing a weekly free dinner and occasional free lunches.

Do you know of any local organizations or churches that provide something similar? If so, you could just refer him to one of those. If he’s really desperate, he’ll probably appreciate the help. Otherwise, you could just go with a friend or family member and give him a nice gift card.

I never give money but I will either go buy what they say they need like food or I will give them giftcards. There are a few that I know personally that I help out more than that but I have an issue passing up homeless people.

I recently participated in a program called Harvest of Hope, where we gleaned citrus in Florida and fed homeless.
One of our tasks was to go to a park, give 2 meals to homeless, and most importantly, sit down and talk to them. 85 college students did this in a park in Orlando. I have done it since in the city I live in.
Bring him a meal, or something he can use. Ask him if there’s something specifically he can use. Sit down, talk to him, and get his story. You’ll probably find that he’s harmless. Take a friend with you if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Haha, I was just having this huge talk about this with my boyfriend the other day…

At the risk of sounding completely cold-hearted, I don’t buy it when people that are young [in their 20s] preach this whole “I’m homeless, please help” thing. They’re young, able-bodied, and speak English. They are perfectly capable of finding a job, but they are being picky. My family owns a cafe and bakery, and not once do I see these homeless kids come in, put their pride aside, and ask to wash our dishes for some cash. Instead they are on the street asking people for their hard-earned money. When it comes to older folks I understand; people lose their jobs, natural disasters put them completely out of their money and homes, their age has given them physical disabilities, etc. But these kids my age really mean to tell me they have NO other resources? I see this all the time in the Bay Area. These kids have family members they can go to and ask for help, and to help them get them back on their feet, but their pride gets in the way and they don’t want to go home to mommy and daddy because they don’t agree on certain things. news flash, all families disagree and fight haha.

icing on the cake: there was a recent MTV documentary that followed a homeless girl in San Francisco. She’s roughing it out on the streets, but she has a family in Oregon that has a house and everything, but she doesn’t want to go home because her and daddy fight. huh?!

gosh, I sound mean. but I hope you understand what I’m saying. I just can’t coddle and sympathize someone who has other resources but refuses to take them. my boyfriend’s sister volunteers regularly at a homeless shelter that gives out free meals everyday and provides shelter, and she also agreed she doesn’t understand why these homeless kids don’t just go there to get back on their feet. I would agree that if you provide him with anything, give him food, but not money. most of these kids use cash to waste on cigarettes, booze, and drugs.

OH! but here’s a nice story that shows the other side of this whole thing haha.

so in the Bay Area there’s a lot of homeless folks, especially in Berkeley. We have a lot of weird people come in my cafe, and I had one customer who was obviously homeless and he would come in time to time and order some coffee. He never asked for a free handout, never bothered anyone, and we actually would get along quite well as he was friendly and polite. He came in a few weeks ago, looking completely cleaned up and happier. He told me he finally found a job and he’s now paying for his coffee with $20 bills It was so inspiring to never give up, and always keep trying. This guy is well in his 50’s, and I admire his perseverance. It was so great to see him back on his feet

Oh gosh, I agree with much of the advice given in this thread. It is sad that we can’t help another without fear of our own personal safety but that’s the reality. I agree with what Lis mentioned about talking with someone. Some can feel terribly alone and that the even bigger struggle. They don’t want to be another face-less person.

“What would you do?” I think I would contact local organisations or even member of the Police that may work in programs for the homeless and ask if they know of him. Find out if he is getting a place in shelter or meals etc. I’d also see if one of these workers (Social, Police, Volunteers etc) would come with you if you approach him. I think you can help but I do encourage you do it with someone experienced in social welfare.

A homeless man asked my dad for $ outside of McDonalds. My dad said:

“I work too hard to give away my money.”

I definitely would not give money to anyone living near my house! Too risky. And if he is buying drugs with the money you know never know what he will do.

I like the idea of giving gift cards to people. I assume a lot of homeless people probably use the money for drugs. I tend to not feel as sorry for those who are on the street for their own choices and I certainly don’t want my money being used to buy drugs or booze. There are a lot of homeless young people on the street in the summer, most of them with dogs, and my Mom often gives them money but says “you make sure to get that dog something to eat!!!”. Around here there is really no excuse for living on the street as we have many charity houses you can go and they will help you find work and get clean.

I get really nervous when people approach my car at intersections. This doesn’t happen a lot, the cops are pretty strict about it but it’s scary.

Do you know anyone that could go with you? Maybe you can prepare a package of gift cards and information about help around town (I dont know what other areas have but we have Community Action Project that gives out food baskets, churches that have free meals, Salvation Armys that have food and sometimes housing, or the local homeless shelter).
Have someone go with you to give him the stuff. You could even just place a box in the area he stands at with the stuff inside and hope he gets it. You could contact a church and tell them about the kid and see if they would be willing to help him out.
You should not help him alone, it is very dangerous, or at least has the potential to be. But I am sure that if you really do want to help, you could find others with good hearts that could help him even more. People at churches may even be able to help him find an affordable home or job (assuming he needs one).

Where I’m from in Michigan there are lots of homeless people of all ages because the state decided to shut down a bunch of the state run psychiatric hospitals and send all of the crazy people out to live on the streets. It’s heart breaking and it’s unfair and you can’t necessarily expect someone who is completely out of touch with reality to find help for themselves and obviously their families have abandoned them too, but a lot of them are you know, crazy and it’s pretty doubtful that they’ve continued with medication and therapy and you never know in what way they’re crazy. I suppose that the experience of knowing that most of the city’s homeless are former patients who had been living permanently in psych hospital makes me really wary about approaching homeless people no matter where I am. So I donate money to charities instead.

Posted By LoveChaCha on 04/19/2011 12:44 AM

A homeless man asked my dad for $ outside of McDonalds. My dad said:

“I work too hard to give away my money.”

My dad’s much the same way.  His philosophy is that he won’t give out free money to people who do not work; on the other other hand, he always leaves really high tips when we go out to eat, like regularly 20% or more.  If they’ll work for their money, he’s glad to reward it.

Posted By peppypoo on 04/19/2011 08:31 AM

Posted By LoveChaCha on 04/19/2011 12:44 AM
A homeless man asked my dad for $ outside of McDonalds. My dad said:

“I work too hard to give away my money.”

My dad’s much the same way.  His philosophy is that he won’t give out free money to people who do not work; on the other other hand, he always leaves really high tips when we go out to eat, like regularly 20% or more.  If they’ll work for their money, he’s glad to reward it.

 

The homeless man was not amused. He said “WHAT THE EFF?”

I try to give bigger tips, more than usual. I know how crappy the min wages are for waitresses at some places. I tend to tip higher at salons. I tipped $20 for my $70 tattoo

Washington state has no more rooms in prisons also..

I don’t want to start a debate or anything, but one thing really aggravates me. Just because someone is mentally ill and homeless does NOT make them dangerous. And just because they’re homeless doesn’t necessarily mean their family doesn’t care either. I’m a little touchy about this because my uncle was schizophrenic. He had a house and everything. But he’d quit taking his medications, drop off the grid so to speak, and we wouldn’t have any idea where he was or anything. I think one time we didn’t hear from him for over 2 years. And state/federal laws being what they are, it is VERY difficult for family to get someone with a mental illness committed or anything. Getting off my soapbox now.

Maybe you could give him a sack lunch or something along with the name and address of a homeless shelter and a couple of dollars for bus fare. ???

I think the only reason that it came up is because some people are homeless *because* they have mental illnesses that keep them from holding a job… not all of them, obviously, but enough to make it an issue.

It is very difficult to take care of a family member with a mental illness who drops off the map, as you said. I have a friend whose son is paranoid schizophrenic. They live in Louisiana, and for years there was no room in the hospital for him (it was overfull), so he lived in a jail cell because there was no where else to “put” him. He also tended to quit his medication and would be homeless for long stretches of time. After many years, a space finally opened up in the hospital and that’s where I last heard he was living.

It’s best not to assume anything, except that we should be careful in all instances. The point is that none of knows why this boy is homeless, so the best course of action is the safe course of action. I would advise that you not become involved with this particular case, but rather donate to a charity on his behalf. If you truly feel the need to give him something, then I would have a male friend or family member do it for you. I hate that women are more at risk in situations such as these, but it’s sadly the way it is.

I have been in the seat of the homeless when I was 11 years old me my mom sister and step father lived out of our car for almost 2 years. My mom called it “camping” at the time but I was old enough to know better. If it hadn’t been for people willing to let us park in their yards or take a shower we would have been a lot worse off. My stepfather and mom went job and house hunting on a daily basis and it took 2 years for anyone to give any of us a chance. There was 1 man who would bring us sandwiches and water in the morning on his way to work. Others looked at us in disgust and some would walk on the other side of the road telling their kids not to talk to us. It was hard.

One of my friends was homeless when we were in our late teens and early twenties and people were terrified of him. He wasn’t dangerous he wasn’t lazy he looked day and night for jobs and saved every penny he earned but it was never enough. He had no family his parents were only children and had both died and his grandparents were long dead so he was just booted.

I understand people being wary I am wary of some homeless people because you never know especially if they are hanging around my house a lot. But I wouldn’t automatically assume they are too lazy to get a job or can’t save money. Some people don’t have a choice but to be homeless.

So I try to help them no matter what some are dangerous and are mentally unstable but even if I am not helping them directly I try to find someone who can.

Also, a lot of homeless are military people back from Iraq who have lost their homes, etc. Grant it, some people are dangerous and drug users, and a lot have mental illnesses who have fallen through the cracks, but there’s also a lot who are homeless because they’ve lost their jobs and their homes. Heck, if it wasn’t for my parents, I’d be living out of my car right now.

But I’m not saying that anyone should do something they aren’t comfortable with or that all homeless people are not dangerous. I just hate when the mentally ill are labeled as dangerous just because they are mentally ill. Heck, *I’m* mentally ill because I suffer from depression.

@Michelle, I did not mean to imply that homeless mentally ill people are all dangerous, but it’s generally a good idea for your own safety to assume that it’s a possibility. Personally I think you should assume that’s a possibility regardless of whether they might have mental disorder, but it was a really big problem on my campus of girls being sexually harassed or assaulted by mentally ill homeless people who had been kicked out of hospitals and on to the street. I actually had a rather scary situation at my apartment building where some of the homeless men in the city would hang out in the lobby of my apartment complex, grope or flash girls walking in and generally say threatening and obscene things, use the lobby as a bathroom and then leave before the police showed up. Needless to say most of us were forced to stop using the front door to the building. Generally speaking people in the state run hospitals weren’t there because they weren’t violent, they were people who were forcibly committed because either they had been, or were deemed capable of being, violent (of course there were some who were a danger to themselves and some who committed themselves willingly). I should have clarified the particular circumstance that colored my experience a bit better, my apoplogies. But my ultimate point is you have no idea why someone is homeless and you have no idea if they’re dangerous, and helping is great and the compassion and empathy for someone in a bad situation is also great, just make sure that however you go about it you’re safe doing it. I don’t think that helping someone is going to make them more or less likely to fixate on you if they’re dangerous and crazy frankly, so if you do, just make sure that it’s in the daytime and near lots of people, bring someone along AND make sure someone not with you knows when to expect you afterwards and trust your instincts, if he sets off your ‘creepdar’ don’t feel bad or rude just running the heck away. But regardless, I tend to think that doing things like volunteering time or money at organizations can be safer and more effective if you do your research on the charity in question.

KateMonster – I’m very sorry you had that experience. And it’s not you that aggravates me. There’s a stigma that all homeless who are mentally ill are dangerous and that’s not the case. The statistics prove it. Unfortunately it has never been our country’s priority to help those with mental illness – whether they are dangerous or not.

I would be leery of approaching a homeless person myself. Even knowing the statistics doesn’t take away the fear for me. It’s one thing to give a dollar or something to someone is a busy area. It’s another if they are close to your house.

I think someone needs to trust their insticts in what they are comfortable with. Not all homeless people are dangerous- but there is no way to tell just by looking at them.

I’m not a fan of generalizations about the homeless either. These are all individuals with individual stories of how they came to be in that current situation. Yes, some have a choice. Have a home but choose the street. For some, the street is the safer choice.

Posted Kate Monster~ But my ultimate point is you have no idea why someone is homeless and you have no idea if they’re dangerous, and helping is great and the compassion and empathy for someone in a bad situation is also great, just make sure that however you go about it you’re safe doing it.

Absolutely. We can only assume things. We ALL don’t know if that person is dangerous, harmless, a scammer or geniunely someone doing they only thing they can think of to get by.
Kudos to LBJ10 to wanting to help this individual. From your 1st post, you’re obviously aware there is always the risk factor but hopefully you come to determine a way feel you have helped but also maintained your sense of security.

I think we should all trust our gut feelings

In our city it’s a rampant occupation. There are of course real homeless people (hard times, alcohol, schizophrenia) but panhandlers here make 1-300$ a day (very true-not rumour, studies and on the news!!)…So I very much understand. I was once asked for money from a chick who had a much more expensive hair cut then mine and better jeans! I mean jeez not even trying For sure there are truly homeless people who need help though.

When I lived downtown there was a nice man who collectede bottles in his shopping cart. I was on a low balconey and would catch him to give him mine and sometimes some food too. He was very polite, but I also had a mostly live in boyfriend and good security.

You do need to protect yourself so I would not approach especially with the very real fear of you living so close and being female.

In reality the BEST way you can help someone who is truly homeless is to make a donation or volunteer with an organization. Tried and true You could even contact the aid organization near you and let them know you’ve spotted someone who might need assistance and ask them what they would recommend.