Just off topic, I bumped LPT’s thread back up in case you never saw it. Hope it puts a smile on your face.

I remember when you posted about Peanut and being in touch with your Mum that you had concerns things could go down this track. I’m sorry it is looking this way.
If say this particular issue (the HGE) was managed, do you think all would be right or is she likely to be this way each time a health issue arises? Because that will become a constant source of stress for you. Perhaps it is better to find the dog an alternate home if it’s uncertain how she will be able to care for it or if she moves elsewhere.

Didn’t you say there was a neighbour that could interceed for you if needed? Sorry, I can’t recall the details.

What are the symptoms of HGE? My mind just went to bait… is it anything like when a dog is baited? People living in close quarters (such as the mobile park) can take matters into their own hands if they don’t like something in their surrounds. Or pets could get to bait intended for something else.

Sorry to hear about the frustrations you are having with your Mom. I’m sorry that I can’t really offer any help with the situation, just to offer my support in helping you cope with it all.

That must be very frustrating for your Mom as well though to have spent that money to get tests done with no results. I’ve been down that road myself and it makes you feel very helpless.

((((((Vibes for Positive Energy towards MimzMum)))))))))

MM,
First, you have buttons that your mother has many years of practice pushing and this hits several of them. Let yourself off the hook by trying to stop your internal questions and analysis of what she meant by, intended to, thought of a sentence your wote, etc. You cannot control her less than adequate parenting and relationship with you. It is a trial on your heart, but not something that you will ever be able to fix, just accept as a human weakness in her that you have lived with with as much love as you know how to give. You have a selection of dna to choose from, and you control your own way of living as best you can as well. And as a loving mother, wife, and bunny slave you do it well, often at the expense of your own health. So try to step back from the broken record of thoughts her actions provoke and say to yourself “It’s not my fault. I can help, but not fix. I am loveable.”

That said, I think she should definitely give away the dog, and that is what rescue shelters are for. This is probably not a correctable behavior, with some underlying illnesses that I wouldn’t wish on someone. I think that you could call the nearest animal shelter in her county (preferably a no-kill) and ask for assistance. Ask if they could send a representative or volunteer to meet your mother and offer to help with the dog, or take it for her if she would like them to. Also, if it’s been to the vet, you can quietly call the vet and ask her to assist you in getting the dog removed from your mother’s care and into a shelter that will see to its needs.

This is too much for you, your mother, and both your bank accounts to handle. The dog was given help but needs more professional care than either of you can provide. It would be kept safe from bad food in a shelter, medically cared for and given attention and love from volunteers, even if it stays there the rest of its life. I suspect that may not be very long from your description of its issues. So let the dog be at peace and take the whole situation off the agenda for your and your mother. If she really does need a pet, you can work with the shelter folks in finding a much more healthy and suitable companion for a senior. Perhaps with an arrangement to have a new pet looked at once in a while to make sure it’s working out.

Does that help at all? I hope so. Hugs.

I can’t really offer any help with the dog other than to say that it sounds like a shelter is the best option for it.

But I would like to address your comment/concern about the DNA. Without going into details I can tell you that I know what you mean. My father was an absolutely horrid, wretched, evil person. When I was younger I used to hope that maybe he wasn’t actually my father. But I came to realize 2 things: 1) I share 99% of my traits with the other women on my mother’s side of the family, so as far as I’m concerned that’s where the bulk of my DNA is from, and 2) it doesn’t matter. Your life is what you choose to make of it, and in the end when all is said and done you’re remembered for your actions and your choices, not for your DNA.

Sometimes, painful as it can be to admit, we just have to realize that some people were not meant for some roles in life and that includes parenting. Just keep in mind that your mother’s actions and choices are a reflection of her, not you.
– Annette

I’m so sorry to hear about your problems with your mother and poor Peanut 🙁 Big hugs for you and the little dog.

I don’t have any advice for Peanut, but I wanted to say that my mom and my grandma have a similar relationship to what you describe. It’s taken my mom a long long time to not care about what her mother says, but then every few years she gets sucked into it again and it makes her upset. I feel like she breaks out of the cycle a little more every time, but it’s still hard for her. There’s nothing you can do to change your mom – no matter what you say or how you say it, she will always be a difficult person. Just do all you can to keep up your fabulous relationships with your own kids and you will have successfully broken the cycle! That’s what’s important – showing your own kids what a mom should be like.

I hope you’re able to find the little dog a home or help your mother find it a home.

Awww Mimz!! *Hugs* What a difficult situation for her to put you in. I couldn’t say anything better then what Pam did-she hits the nail on the head-I really think she has a fantastic insight into human personality and value her opinion on matters like this. Really-so true, so well put.

The only peice of advice I was going to say is, try not to get down about it, and I think you’ve done what you can. This is realistically ONE dog. There are so many more. You can’t beat yourself up for not being able to save this one dog anymore then you can for not saving another animal or human from some other circumstances. It’s more real because Peanut is real to you, but try to let it go, go easy on yourself. You cannot possibly take on the dog, and should not be dwindling your savings for one dog-it’s not fair to you *hugs*. That’s harsh I know…but even shelters do that, place ten healthy dogs or spend a fortune saving and placing one…well you know how it goes. Encourage her to surrender Peanut by all means, but try to distance yourself from that dog. He’s not yours to save. You have a menagerie of pets who are SO lucky they have you. Be proud of that