The trouble with training is it has got to be consistent but you already knew that. Can you talk to your husband at all about making a training plan and sticking to it? The level of frsutration you are feeling will now get in the way of training the dog. Lab mixes are very energertic, I can imagine how crazy he can get. He needs to learn crate-training as a positive thing so he won’t do a submissive pee every time. Start by feeding him inside the crate and putting a favorite thing of yours that he likes in the crate with him. Start with short periods of time in the crate with you being in the same room and being CALM. You have to redo the cratetraining experience to undo the association he has with the crate being a punishment (he may not be ‘bright’ but he knows when you are upset with him). — Leashtraining will help the cratetraining as he can have a walk each time before he has to go in his crate so he will be calm and willing. Leashtraining which will also help bond to you. Dogs bond strongly to their walkers. If you can, I would involved a professional trainer at this point because it will prevent the issue from getting out of hand between your husband and you. A professional may be able to make a plan that works for both of you.
If you don’t like the dog because he frustrates you, this is going to be the real stumbling block.

I want to stress it again: I know it’s hard because of what’s going on with your husband, but when training anyone, puppies, horses, even human kids — you must be CALM. I know how hard it can be, but trust me it works. If you get frsutrated, count to five, and focus on a peaceful thought and then address the dog. Never yell at him but be gentle, even freeze for a moment to let the craziness settle in him when he gets out of control. Dogs copy their owner’s emotions.

Sounds like a job for Victoria!

Seriously though, I like the idea of getting a professional involved because it will help you avoid even more conflict. You will have a third party telling you both what to do, rather than you “nagging” your husband. Dogs need consistency and firmness, some definitely more than others. If the dog is submissively peeing, then that means he is afraid. You need to work with him on positive reinforcement. Like Petzy said, make the crate a positive rather than a negative thing for him.

For someone who’s not a fan of dogs yet you are concerned and are trying to train him shows you care enough. I can totally understand your frustration. Would a heart to heart talk with your husband help any? Describe how things could be more harmonious were the dog trained better?

I agree, a professional would help but that may not be realistic on a single income. Do you have mutal friends that are good with dogs? If your husband is home during the day, it seems to me a good opportunity for him to work with JayJay. Having a friend come and assist might provide more incentive.

A professional would be ideal, but I like Jersey’s idea of maybe a friend or family member who is a big “dog person” and could work with him, preferably TAKE HIM for a couple weeks to their house so he gets constant, around-the-clock reinforcement. It is absolutely not the dog’s fault. When you married him, you got it all, including the dog. Try to stop thinking of it as HIS problem, because you are both involved and your daily lives are affected by the dog’s behavior. I’ve been married longer than you guys, and something I learned a long time ago is if you always wait for your dearest husband to do x, y, z… these things are likely to not get done. Take matters into your own hands. Make a schedule, rent some books and videos (I bet the library has some for FREE… the pet section is 636…) and you’ll find that any headway you can make will be worth it, and might bring you and puppy closer together.

If you look in the yellow pages of a bigger city there will be dog training places that will do a free consult over the phone. It won’t fix they dog issues right away but it might help getting your husband’s attention.
These are such bad times with many people out of work… I don’t know your husband but in general a man without a job is a difficult ‘animal’ to begin with because it affects their self-esteem tremendously. Possibly your husband babies the dog to feel better himself so, if I were you, I would not talk about the dog too much right now, but lead by example. Waitressing is really exhausting and I bet you are furious when you come home and the dog has not even been walked. But if you can at all, for your sake, take the pooch out on the leash, even for 5 minutes, even if all he does is spin. It will establish a positive routine for Jayjay that he will associate with you. Keep your expectations low at this point. Poodle mixes can be very smart actually and highly trainable but dogs can only develop their potential within a set routine. While you are at it looking up dog trainers, maybe you can see if there are any ‘husband trainers’ also… j/k

do you have an off-leash dog park nearby? they are perfect places to go to let a dog run like the wind and seriously burn off some steam. when my dog was young he nearly drove me insane so i can totally relate. and i WANTED a dog. i used to call him the tasmanian devil. tho he has settled down a LOT being that he is now 10 yrs old – gets into the most trouble when i havent had time to take him out for regular LONG walks. since jayjay is also such a ridiculous handful i think a good long tear around a dog park would be huge for him. even now when i take bogart to the off leash park he will run around like a crazy dog for the first 30 or 45 mins we are there. it saps a large chunk of energy which could go a very long way in helping your training efforts.

good luck! i hope you find a system that works for you. i eventually did with my dog and it was soooo worth it

Speaking of Victoria, she just did an episode a couple days ago that reminds me so much of this (woman moves in with boyfriend, bf’s dog is a terror, woman resents bf’s dog, etc). Maybe you can find it on re-runs? I think the most important thing in that episode is that she made the owners sit down and agree on a schedule and training plan. It’s so hard to do something like that on your own when you resent the dog and your husband won’t do his part. Maybe getting a professional in to lay out the plan with both of you, so there’s no arguing about the correct technique, would be helpful.

I think everyone else has offered great ideas too. I hope you find something that works for your family because the way it’s going now is no way to live!

Oh, it’s a wire one, that’s good, most dogs like those better. It is hard to see how big it is. Can Jayjay stand up in this crate? I personally like the bigger the better but only if he is already potty-trained.

I actually think Jayjay is supercute, I kind of love him and want to hug him… He is adorable. <3. Do you have to clip his coat?

Ah, the whining! Yes, yes… this is where you need to be made of steel. If you give him food he loves while in the crate and you stay by his side while he is crated and gradually move away from the crate further and further, you will beat the whining over time. Have 20 minute sessions, maybe shorter, in the beginning. But he may always whine initially just to let the world know he would rather be free. I really have to record my male dog’s sad song he does when I crate him. He only does it when I take my female dog with me and he has to stay behind. It is the weirdest thing you ever heard, a deep humming howl that carries far. It makes me laugh because my dog is really good about the crate so it’s not like he’s in trouble. The most important step in cratetraining is though that the dog gets a chance to relieve himself and gets to move about before getting crated. I always walk mine and then crate. I did another thing during my dogs’ crate training that may not be possible if the crate is small; I would lock myself into the crate and have my dogs beg to get inside from the outside, or I would put their favorite stuffed toy inside the crate for a while. They became very intrigued with the crate very quickly.

I have to admit that I find it harder to train my HUSBAND to train the dogs properly than the part of dog training I do when I am with them.  I finally was able to pound thru my husband’s thick skull that instead of yelling at the dogs when they are let outside to potty (so now I hear barking AND yelling) that there are simple, quiet ways to attract their attention.  I had to show him many, many times before it sunk into his brain.  I get them back in by shaking the treat jar or calling Skye (who is not much of a barker) and ask her to sit and say “good girl”- Molson our barker comes flying back in the house because he is convinces she is getting a treat and he does not want to be left out. No yelling and works right away.  Poor simple male brains- when will they ever catch up to us. 

Hmm my mom in law has a labradoodle, and she is much much bigger than your pup.with a different look too, but maybe they each got different genes… ? lol. I’ll see if I can dig up a pic of Sadie

Edit: This is Sadie dog. When she is standing beside me, I can rest my hand on top of her head without bending down. She’s a bigger girl.

He is kind of adorable, in a goofy way. :p I’m sorry it’s so frustrating. I get so upset with my hubby when it comes to the animals…he does not get it. He doesn’t understand how to interact with them at all. He’s pretty good with our Eclectus parrot, Riley, and he ignores Rufus so that’s ok…it’s the dogs, cat and Dexter (African Grey parrot) that we have issues with. Especially the cat. He hates my little kitty girl. Anyway…I feel for ya lol!

I think you’ve gotten a lot of great suggestions on this thread, I guess all I can suggest is try to start over with him, look at it as if he was new to the family…maybe you can form a new attachment to him, and vice versa. You’ve already started over with the training, now you just need to figure out a way to get over your resentment towards the dog and look at him with fresh eyes. It’s not his fault that men can be so thick headed sometimes (my apologies to any men on this board LOL!). He’s a cutie, I hope you can bond with him! Good luck with the training.

He is seriously one of the cutest dogs I’ve ever seen. I agree that he needs a larger crate, he should be able to stand up and stretch out in it. Clean that one up and it’ll sell quickly on Craigslist.

Argh! Talk about banging your head against the wall. Your kinda at an impasse here.

You mentioned talking to a therapist? I think that is really wise. There will be more going on then just the dog issue if there isn’t already. Somehow I think your partner would not be keen in going also. But if you think talking to someone like this will help you, go for it! You’re already suffering and the dog is suffering.

When people post issues with significant others and pets (and this happens often on this forum), I always go back to how important decision making is between a couple, especially when there’s potential for children to be in the picture.