OK – This is an excerpt from Amy Sedaris’ latest book, and only slightly exaggerates how we have to care for our bunny friends!
From “Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People,” by Amy Sedaris, p. 188:
“Here are the top nine simple yet crucial things you must do to ensure your pet rabbit will be safe in your home:
1. Electrical wires must be covered or made inaccessible. Or better yet get rid of all electrical appliances including televisions. The Amish have been living this way for hundreds of years and they seem happy.
2. Toxic houseplants must be removed (many, if not most, common houseplants are toxic to rabbits). In other words no foliage in your home, including flowers, which, ironically, are the one thing that would have slightly combatted that gamey rabbit smell.
3. Flat, no-pile, nonskid carpeting is needed to give rabbits traction and a place to run and leap. After switching out all your carpeting, why not remove the furniture to really allow them to cut loose?
4. Rabbits love to chew against resistance. Woodwork is a big favorite for many rabbits. If you live in an old building, assume there is lead paint under your current paint, and prevent rabbits’ access and chewing. The easiest way to do this is to gut your place entirely, all the way down to the studs! Put up new drywall and crown molding, and cover with responsible non-rabbit-killing-paint.
5. Prevent rabbits’ access to toxic substances you may use around the house – especially insecticides and rodenticides. Cleaning chemicals (particularly those containing limonene or pine oils) may also be harmful to rabbits. You will need to toss out all your cleaning supplies, including your broom. Brooms are a chewing hazard. This is unfortunate, because what’s not covered in rabbit droppings will be dusted with hay, so now that you own a rabbit your desire to clean will never be more burning.
6. Reclining chairs are particularly hazardous. Rabbits can climb, unseen, into the mechanism and can be crushed when someone leans back. All comfy chairs must go!
7. Prevent rabbits’ access under the bed – rabbits love to chew the filmy fiberglass covering that is tacked on to the underside of the box spring. This can be lethal. The downside is, you will be resting in a sleeping bag on a flat rug. The upside? You have a rabbit!
8.Put away human snacks and pet foods. Rabbits should not ingest chocolate (or any other high-carbohydrate food), and should not ingest dog or cat food. It’s about time you and your dog went on a diet, isn’t it?
9. Be careful with toys that can wrap around a rabbit’s neck (such as a large-sized slinky). The rabbit can panic in an attempt to escape, and can seriously hurt himself. Even chewed-up towels with holes in them can be hazardous if the bunny’s head gets caught. It’s just best not to have toys. You have a rabbit now and that should be the focus of your joy!”
c. Sedaris, Amy, Grand Central Publishing, 2010 http://www.HachetteBookGroup.com