Hi, LL,

I thought of you yesterday when I came across a silly xmas card online that made fun of holidays going wrong. It just put humor into the fact that it is lousy for so many people, unlike the hype and expectations. Obviously your situation calls for all your strength to cope. Please remember that you’ve had a tumultuous year too, and put yourself and your brother in the forefront because your Mom just isn’t able to right now. She is not handling the break up with your Dad well, and it does sound like she may be taking out some of her anger on you.

Can you step back at all and deescalate the fights? Can you walk away and just tell her that you will speak to her when she can be calm but you will not accept the screaming? Then stay in your room if you have to. Would it be terrible to leave and spend Christmas at your house? Please just try to duck the fury and not engage in her fighting. She’s in need of some coping help and you’re weathering her storm. You have your own bad feelings about it, so probably are quick to fight her because you are angry at her for ruining your family, along with your Dad, so it’s upsetting for everyone. Maybe you could do errands, or cook some and get engaged in an active project in the kitchen, or stay in your room and dive into a fat book. NOT those TV shows that are about Xmas. Too much of that stuff as it is. Try a Classic. Get to the library. You get the idea. Wuthering Heights.

Glad to hear you’ve had a new boyfriend for several months. I would NOT worry about him at this point. First, the weather up there is terrible. The fact that anyone can reach each other by cell phone, land line or internet is a miracle. Then, if the weather does get through, the lines are now getting swamped due to the holiday talking and online ordering. As for his not calling – I’m thinking 10 hours of exhausted sleep + 6 hours of non stop family visiting, plus shopping. He’s only going to call if he can get alone with his phone, and possibly needs your support. If his family is volatile, he may not want to bother you knowing how lousy you feel. You have enough to worry you at home. Don’t borrow more trouble. I assure you, if there’s something to go wrong with your relationship, it won’t happen long distance before Xmas. He will be back. He will call. He will pick up where you left off. Just put this week in a bubble and ignore “normal” for a while. I’m sorry he’s not there for support, but each person is faced with their own family issues during the holidays, so it may be better for both of you. You may be the light at the end of the week’s tunnel for him, too. Don’t measure his actions this week with your expectations. And don’t lump him in with the coal. He’ll be back.

Please know that I speak for many of us here when I say that I am thinking of you and sending you supportive vibes and bunny kisses from Samantha. You have been very strong this year, you have a wonderful new home and a managerie of beautiful animals who love you. Your family will be better next year, I guarantee. But for now, just wear a little protective armor. Sometimes Santa brings what we all need – Peace. My wish for you for Christmas.

I second everything rabbit pam said, i dont think she could have said it any better. all i can say is i can definately relate to you with the screaming mom during the divorce (Mine is the exact same, she screams and cries and shes waaay over emotional.) and also if your mom is near the same age as my mom menopause may have a say in it too. The boy not calling thing, if his phone is disconnected, then there is a valid reason why hes not able to call you (weather, forgot to pay bill, dropped phone in toilet etc.) and im sure he will contact you as soon as its possible. Not to mention we cannot forget that boys sometimes do not think, so maybe thats his problem

((((hugs to you Lion Lop)))) everything will get better! I promise!

Have as happy a holiday as you are able! and give your buns kisses from me and pepper

Gosh and I thought this would be a less stressful holiday boy was I wrong.        Can you go somewhere relaxing.  The river a park   get some icecream with your brother?    A walk?   A bubblebath some champagne?

That may help when the screaming Mother is upset.   I was also thinking could be menopause   hot flashes big mood swings.  Maybe depression.  When depressed people can get very very angry.  

Perhaps you Mom could use a hug?  When she is screaming maybe walk up and just hug her.   Without saying a word. That may help her calm down and realize this is not your fault  that she is taking things  out on you and decompress the situation.   Hopefully.      Or she may just sit back and have a good cry.  Maybe thats what she needs right now.  She  may feel she has no one to lean on and catch her as she is falling so to speak.  During this crisis.  Sometimes a hug in the middle of screaming can help.  Lots.             She may be feeling she has no one to turn to at this time

Perhaps you can take your Mom with y’all to a park or somewhere to relax.  That is if the hugging thing worked.  if it doesn’t work just walk away and get some peace for yourself.

Yes I was also wondering how you were doing.  As a lot of us here were as well.

I’m really sorry that Christmas is like this for you. We attach so many expectations to Christmas day and sometimes the poor day just can’t live up to expectations.
My family is really volitile as well and because of that I no longer spend Christmas with them. I can’t it tears me up inside, which is, I think, how you are feeling. I don’t have any advice, just want you to know that we’re thinking of you.
Haha, Christmas for me at home is mum sobbing over the potato salad and my dad so angry that he starts to do home handyman stuff! Grandparents on my dads side so drunk they can’t walk down the stairs telling my Mum’s parents that Mum isn’t good enough for dad then trying to drive home while like a thousand times over the blood alcohol limit.
Aaah, Christmas with the family…

Glad your boys ok, I have mini panic attacks everytime my boy goes away on hols, last time he went back to India his home city Delhi was bombed. I was hysterical lol but he was just fine Worry can do funny things to us. I saw on our news how bad the weather is so it must be really bad to make it to Australian news!

*HUGS*

Goodness you are getting it from all sides today.  Ugh holidays. 

Yeah with my inlaws on my ex’s side.  The mom in law yelling and the bro in law yelling and etc etc etc.   Gave me panic attacks all that yelling.   I would go hide in the spare bedroom or go outside for a walk.    OH and that dumb dog of theirs slobbering all over shaking his head the slobber flying into Johnny’s plate of food.     The dog sneaking out the door and running away    everyone but me trying to catch it.   Dog had no training whatsoever. I hated that dog.

Hang in there Lionlop in another day it should soon be all over with.                 Oh the pressures of the holidays.      I tell you I do not miss it.  Not one bit.              Though holidays with  my Mom weren’t bad.

Hubby and I don’t celebrate the holidays except for Ramadan dhul hijah  Eid al adha  and eid al fitre.         

What in the world would your Dad have to lecture you about.  Good grief.  Go outside get some fresh air.  Do you have bun bun with you?      WEll maybe next time have holidays at your house  alone  with your brother.

Hey how about that bunny concert.   That always has cheered me up              Or imagine Cotton under a towel jumping straight up into the air all you see is the towel.   Was so funny.   He was trying to keep me from doctoring up his lip.

Oh man-the holidays…Just stay on BB and hide your eyes LL you’ll live , only a few more hours; Glad your BF got ahold of you

Well, it’s Christmas Eve now and I hope your family has tired out enough to just snuggle down for the night.
Thinking of you.
Glad to hear BF is fine (that’s an “I told you so” I’m delighted to say. ). He sounds nice.
Hugs.

Lion_Lop (((((HUGS))))) I know these times can fray your nerves but know that you are not alone and are thought of.

Others have given valuable advice. I’ll add wishes for your Christmas to turn more peaceful. As you have seen, situ with BF has turned out well so try stay positive to manage the family issues. Really focus on staying calm, levelheaded and try not enter into the volatile space. Remove yourself from it you need to. You need to protect yourself. Entering into shouting matches will likely result in everyone saying things they’ll regret and prolong the tense environment and you’ll end up miserable longer. Say “I’m above this and CHOOSE not to behave this way”. Though it’ll be hard to buffer yourself against a loved one screaming at you, try not to take things too personally, they are likely off loading onto you. If you feel you are taking it on board, PLEASE off load here if you need too.
(((Healing wishes to you Lion Lop)))

Hi, LL,
Now it’s noon Christmas Day. Are you heading home soon?
I read your post about Little White Guy (who is a girl – LOL). She’s fine. Don’t worry.

is it possible that you go to the motel where your dad is staying tomorrow? thats how we do it now. after my parents divorced i do my dads on the 25th and then go to my moms on the 26th. im sorry your having so many problems. i know that your parents are acting like children, mine do it to. but dont worry, its not your fault and theres really nothing you can do, so all you can think is “whatever it is what it is.” and just cope. everything will get better i know i sound like a broken record but it will.