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› Forum › THE LOUNGE › so sad (not bunny related)
i have become very smitten with a colleague here at work. he is an amazing man. kind, self confident, strong… basically all the things i am looking for – and today he resigned. i am so blue. i am literally sitting here fighting tears and feeling like an idiot. and i have 30 more minutes to endure. *sighs*
Hmmmm….well actually now that you aren’t working together and you are interested it would be much easier to have a relationship with him…if that is what you would want. I guess that is why you are going to go home and drink some wine…
*HUGS*
I’m with Sarita, I think you should take him out for a goodbye/goodluck dinner or something soon (wink wink). Is today his last day, or in 2 weeks? I’d do it now, if it’s today, but if he’s got some time, then ask next week.
I find if we don’t do what our hearts are telling us, we’ll always have a regret. *BIG HUGS* Good Luck, and I’m sorry ur feeling sad, that’s no fun
Absolutely…it sounds like an opportunity to me.
Maybe this is the reason you needed to approach him. The good thing here is, if it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t have to be embarrassed having to work in the same place.
you got it sarita! i actually asked if he’d like to go out for a drink after work but he has a meeting with his new employer. i have NO idea if he’s interested in me. i am completely useless in that capacity. i suppose that he turned me down should be a big clue huh? “he’s just not that into you.” but then sometimes when he looks at me i feel like he really sees me. and he has been so attentive. i guess time will tell. and by time i mean in the next 2 weeks!
he probably has that meeting for real
Well, that sounds like a legitimate excuse and it could be too that he doesn’t really get it too. Do you know if he’s currently in a relationship?
If he has a meeting that’s not turning u down, now if he has to wash his hair, or do his laundry that’s turing u down LOL.
I’m going with oppertunity here too, maybe ask earlier in the week and give a couple dates/evenings to see if one works out better.
lol petzy. you really read between the lines. i was totally wondering if he was fibbing about that to spare my feeling from saying an outright ‘no i’m not interested’
you guys are great… more responses by the time i answer a post. thanks
he’s single. divorced a few years ago. has 3 kids 9 – 14 who he’s a very dedicated father too. when i first met him he seemed slightly disillusioned to the whole dating thing having had a not-so-nice divorce but the edge seems to have gone now.
Well then I think if you are interested you need to let him know. It seems as if you’ve contemplated whether or not you would be interested considering that he has 3 children and you would be taking that on too. I can understand why he’d be sour to a relationship right after his divorce but maybe he would be interested in a relationship now.
Is he on Facebook? Maybe you can friend him…wink, wink.
A father of three would be so much more careful about dating again after a divorce.
BBM, I agree, it is an opportunity to try develop a relationship/friendship outside of work. Just let him know you’d genuinely like to stay in touch and he’s open to that, follow up sooner rather than later. For the person leaving – often they get told (or say) “stay in touch” and then nobody does. If you contact him before too much time passses and set up a way to meet, it will show you really meant it. Then see how things go….
What do you have to lose?! Even if you do come out and ask him on a date, and he says “No”, it’s not like you’d still be working together everyday! Sometimes the problem with “keeping in touch” and “maintaining a friendship” means that it never ever moves beyond the friend stage. Or you might go on two dates with him and realize he’s just not the right guy for you anyways! You’d be very upset with yourself if you just let this go and didn’t at least try!
Met my hubby at work. It could happen. ^_^
Although I have to admit, if he’s strong on his parenting, he has to look very carefully at who would be part of the kids’ lives. Funny, even though my two are pretty much grown, I couldn’t imagine dating or remarrying if I ever had to do it, simply for the effect it would have on them. But that’s just me.
At least you have some foreknowledge to go on about each other, having worked together. That’s a plus.
NOT TO OFFEND, JUST ONE TEEN’S PERSPECTIVE!!! (from personal expirience’s)
on the whole kids topic, and myself being…. around those ages. my mom seperated from my dad when i was just little so i had her all to myself for quite awhile, then all of a sudden this new guys in my life and acting like my dad… and being a teen. he’s not my dad and to be honest i dont respect him or like him at all. the reason for this is because he rushed into our lives. and hasnt taken an intrest to me or my sister, he basically ignores us, except when he feels that were doing something ‘he’ doesnt like. he takes my moms complete attention and leaves none for us. ive known him 2 years. hes lived with us scince I met him.
anyways im not here to rant :p or scare you. i personally think its great and your doing the right thing just saying, pay a little more attention to the kids… make them like you BEFORE it gets serious….. in my oppinion. if my moms bf was more respectful to us and tryed “relating?” to us i would like him alot more, instead of being forced to like him.
in general, have some interest in the kids
Well, my perspective on that MirBear. is are you respecting HIM and making an effort to get to know him better? He may be at a total loss with how to relate to you, you may want to make the first step to try and make it a better relationship for all involved
you know what’s funny… i will be 40 this year and i have those kind of issues with my step dad. haha. i mean… i know its different because i’m an adult but i think no matter what your age there will be adjustments to be made when your parent finds a new partner. personally, from observing many friends who are single parents or have become step-parents, i think the important things are:
-caring for and the well-being of the kids comes first (not adult kids – tho when that transition occurs has been up for debate),
-new relationships cannot be forced or pushed, they have to be given time to develop with mutual respect, and
-ultimately, an adult person’s choice for a partner has to be respected as their choice and boundaries will need to be set and maintained
because of my age, dating men with children is just something that is a reality for me and i have to be prepared for it. i would never want to be introduced to a man’s children and become part of their lives before it was mutually established that our relationship had long term potential. i don’t think it’s fair to subject kids to multiple dating partners BUT i don’t have kids myself so ultimately… it’s not my call. and unfortunately life does not come with guarantees so you just do your best.
Well, I think the first step anyway is to see if he’s interested…you can worry about the kids later. First things first.
Have you made in progress in asking him out?
oh totally sarita… first things first. i was speaking about dating some one with kids in general since there have been comments on that topic.
actually i got to thinking over the weekend… i have asked him out for a drink after work twice. once to celebrate after he found out he passed a final exam (the last course he needed for a diploma) which was 2 weeks ago and then last friday when he gave his notice. both times he had plans. fair enough since they were last minute requests, but there was no ‘maybe another time’ or ‘i can’t tonight, how about next week’.
if i had the guts i’d just walk upto him and say ‘dude do you like me or what?’ (i’m paraphrasing of course ) i feel like i went out pretty far on that limb so far and he’s back there hugging onto the trunk for dear life. lol. basically i think i’ve hinted around enough. if a girl asks you out twice for drinks surely thats a clear sign that she is interested right?
I think so. Are they giving him a going away party? If so, are you going to go to that?
yeah. i shed some tears over wine with my gf on friday and dug into a tub of ice cream over the weekend. it’s pretty done.
usually the employees go out for lunch on a person’s last day. i’ll goto that for sure. another coworker is getting married this year and so i will see him at the stag & doe in july and again at the wedding in september. i’m going to have to find myself a hot date.
What is a “stag & doe”?!!!
Yeah, what the heck is that!
It’s good that you are “done” with it but it sounds like there may still be some chances in the future.
lol… a stag & doe (or buck & doe) is basically a big informal party arranged by the wedding party. not to be confused or replaced with the guys stag party. traditionally it’s a sort of fund raiser for a couple about to get married to help with wedding expenses. you sell tickets to attend, sell drinks, sell tickets to raffle off prizes and you offer a dj or live band for entertainment / dancing and put out a buffet after midnight (finger foods / sandwiches / desserts…).
i guess this is a canadian tradition only?
I’ve never heard of a wedding fundraiser. I think it’s a great idea though. So do their friends put this on? I mean it still seems like an expense if you are providing food and entertainment too. What about just saving money LOL.
i’ve been involved in a few of these in my day and most times you’re lucky to break even. actually, when a couple is young – under 25 – they know more people from school / college / work that are willing to fork over for tickets and come out for a night of drinking & dancing. the older the couple the less likely to get a big enough crowd to make a lot of cash. honestly, if i ever get married i wouldn’t have one at all. i like the idea of getting together but not the whole money grabbing part. my gf and step brother are getting married and requested not to have one. or a bridal shower. its a very small wedding and they’ve been living together to they’re pretty established. as the maid of honor i will arrange a girls night out of dinner and cocktails instead of a shower. should be fun!
Here we call them Socials, they’ve been a Manitoba tradition for ages.
– Annette
Wow.. I’m from BC, and lived in alberta for 10+ years, and never heard of that. Just the bachelor/ette parties
It might be an Ontario thing. I often saw Stag & Doe halls advertised for rent when I lived there.
lol even iknow what a stag & doe is! and im not even close too the marriage age… well not in america that is jkjk
well. things with this guy have certainly taken a wacky turn in the other direction! rant to follow… please excuse.
Wednesday i was having a conversation with him and another coworker, and i asked an innocent question about our new construction manager. he and the other coworker burst out laughing while exchanging looks. so of course i ask what is so funny and neither would say anything. just kept laughing. we were interrupted by a couple other coworkers and so we all sat down at our desks until a few minutes later when i was able to discreetly question him. of course i was curious what was so funny and at that point i was already a little put off that it could be laughed at in front of me but neither would fill me in. he started laughing again, looked away from me and when i pressed him he very reluctantly told me a rumor about our new construction manager.
i was furious. i really did not need to hear the details of this rumor (could he not have just said “its a bad rumor that i don’t want to spread” and leave it at that?) but worse i felt completely disrespected by the secretive laughter in my face. twice! after he told me i rolled my eyes and walked away muttering an expletive that was audible to only him. this happened at about 4:45 so at 5 sharp i packed up and signed out and left without another word to anyone.
by the time i got home the other coworker had IM’ed me apologizing for laughing. yesterday, all day long, dude who i thought was so great avoided eye contact with me and didn’t say a word in my direction. wow.
See now, I’m curious about the rumor!
I think you are coming down a bit hard on him.
I have to admit that if I had an insider joke going on with someone, and a third person came by and asked a question, that would set off that insider joke, I would exchange looks and laugh as well. And not necessarily tell the third person, if the joke was silly or untrue. And I guess most people don’t want to be the one to spread the rumor, so I think it is expected that they did not want to tell you at that time.
And you did ask twice about the rumor, so it is hard for him to know that it was bad to tell you, because you at that time seemed eager to know. So perhaps now he feels a bit bad about having spread the rumor, especially due to your reaction, and that is why he is being awkward today?
gah. you make solid points.
guess i’m loosing my mind
I hate office politics/rumors and that stuff as well, don’t know why i keep working in office settling, i wish cleaning horse poo paid more b/c I actually enjoy that LOL
I wanted to mention, without upsetting any males to much on here…. but they are sorta clueless, you really gotta spell out what you want/mean b/c there is no reading between the lines with males. So the “Dude, wana go on a date?” may be the way to go LOL, at least he can’t mis-interpid it :p
OH and PS: I was told about the wedding fundraiser thing once, it seems it’s a very old tradition, I think in like farming communities and stuff, the town would be invited to help the briode and grrom make some money for their wedding etc. Someone ahd told me about it.
LOL
You know what Babybunsmum, I have a theory that you cannot fancy someone who doesn’t fancy you…it’s a chemistry thing. Like, when there is someone at work, you reeaaally don’t like, I am confident that although they smile at you, they think you are just as horrible as you think they are. It’s gotta go both ways
omg i really just made a complete f&#$@ng fool of myself. i am so embarrassed. i took him aside again… i had a plan but everything came out all wrong. i apologized if i seemed dramatic and told him i am sensitive to how he treats me because i like him. i added in there some where… ‘i know i’ve asked you out a couple of times and you weren’t interested… i get it.’ gees. i am a total putz. he smiled and said ‘dont worry we’re good! we’re good. we’re friends.’ and shook my hand. he shook my hand. good grief. this is so NOT what i wanted to happen.
thank goodness that: it’s a long weekend, i have this forum to vent on, and i have a half tub of ice cream left in my freezer.
maybe he made a deal with himself not to date or something. you never know. At least now you know! And: he won’t be working there any longer.
Shake it off.
Oh, no! It is good he’s not going to be there any longer. Were here for your venting and I’ll share some of that ice cream with you :~)
Hey, I’m congratulating u on having the balls girl! You can’t feel silly for putting it out there straight!
He knows now, and knows u are honest and not affraid to speak your mind, if those aren’t excellent qualities in a person, i dunno what is. <>
Could be too he was embarrassed he didn’t figure it out. And I totally agree with Andi too.
Posted By babybunsmum on 05/21/2010 01:54 PM
omg i really just made a complete f&#$@ng fool of myself. i am so embarrassed. i took him aside again… i had a plan but everything came out all wrong. i apologized if i seemed dramatic and told him i am sensitive to how he treats me because i like him. i added in there some where… ‘i know i’ve asked you out a couple of times and you weren’t interested… i get it.’ gees. i am a total putz. he smiled and said ‘dont worry we’re good! we’re good. we’re friends.’ and shook my hand. he shook my hand. good grief. this is so NOT what i wanted to happen.
thank goodness that: it’s a long weekend, i have this forum to vent on, and i have a half tub of ice cream left in my freezer.
I think it’s great, you did this! We never regret those things we do, but those we don’t do.
And I have to say…game’s not necessarily over yet. I would answer something like that as well, even if it was a guy I fancied. Simply out of awkwardness and because I would not talk about such things. Especially the hand-thing shows how awkward he was about it…LOL, I would probably have said something really weird and then just walked off, so I think he did well. But now he knows…either he contacts you in 2 weeks time, or it is finally over, and you don’t have to worry about it anymore. His loss, if that is the case.
The ball is in his court now
thank you thank you thank you for your comments. friday i was so freaked out. oi. when i left for the weekend he was in a colleague’s office and so i ducked out fast without having to face him. (said ‘good-bye, have a nice weekend’ to our coworker who he carpools with & asked that he pass on the sentiment for me so i didn’t come across rude).
anyways, by the time i got home and read your comments i felt a whole lot better. and i had the weekend to prepare for this last week of working with him. i would rather make a fool of myself like i did than keep my feelings totally hidden. with a really good guy it’s just worth the risk. so i came in this morning with my head high and a smile on my face.
and he is very chatty with me today
he saw me from down the hall when i first came in and shouted good morning, and later made a point to ask me about my weekend. when i asked about his weekend he chatted about his kid’s soccer tourni. i’m so relieved. i was really afraid he would be trying to avoid me. phew. now that that’s over i’m back to thinking i’m really gonna miss him. i think his last day before he heads out i will make one last attempt and ask if we could goto our coworker’s stag & doe together. (secretly, i’m hoping he might make an attempt to connect with me on his own before friday)
your so brave! i could never do that *sigh* sucks hershey & twix arnt spayed or id say bunny play date to cheer you up :S
Ahem.
It’s past Friday.
*waits*
well. there isn’t much to say really. my plans to ask him to our colleague’s stag & doe didn’t work out. i waited til the end of the day and all of a sudden he was standing beside me with his hand extended like he wanted to shake my hand. it took me a second to clue in that he was saying goodbye and by then he opened his arms for a hug. sweet. he mumbled some thing about probably seeing me around. not sure exactly what he said. when i brought up the subject of the stag & doe he said ‘oh yeah!’ and turned to ask our colleague for 2 tickets before i could get another word in. then i got scared off of asking him. why 2 tickets? he must have plans to take some one else? plus we weren’t alone. *sighs*
so anyways, earlier i had written my cell number on the back of my business card to give to him. i planned to say something cute like ‘if you ever want to go out for that drink’ when i handed it to him but all that came out of my mouth was ‘just incase’. good grief. i think i shrugged too. its a bit of a blur.
so graceful or not, he has my number and the proverbial ball is in his court. i didn’t hear from him this weekend and am feeling pretty blue
Don’t feel blue *HUGS*
As long as you know you did something and tried that is all that matters, you can have no regrets about doing nothing now. Who knows what the future holds, i find though the more I think about soemthing it usually never turns out the way i wants it, but then i get something i didn’t expect a little later down the road
(Oh and bringing a super hot date to the event he is also attending could be fun too LOL :p )
thx andi i was thinking about the super hot date idea too
ya… def bringing a hot date. just asked my colleague if he knew who he’s bringing to the stag & doe and apparently he’s brining his ‘signifigant other’. huh. odd that he wouldn’t have mentioned that he is dating some one in casual conversation. i get that some people like their privacy but he mentioned his kids, mother, brother, best bro. he might have found it useful to work this fact into casual conversation after i asked him out twice and mentioned that i like him. i guess it doesn’t really matter now. *thinks of who has a hot brother i can ask to the stag & doe to be flirty with*
lol that sounds like something my friend did once. just be careful incase it backfires… :/
lol mirbear… no worries about backfiring. i was being a bit silly about bringing a ‘hot date to be flirty with’. i def want to bring a date tho. not to try to try to spark jealousy but just to save face and so i don’t have to go alone. there will be 500 strangers there other than the 5 people i know, most of whom are 15 – 20 yrs younger than me. it was a good thing to find out that this guy has a significant other who he keeps quiet about. i asked a female colleague if she knew he had an s.o. and she was as surprised as i was. she said she teased him about having one and he always denied it. so i got a better glimpse at him and as good a guy as he may be, i’m looking for a man who doesn’t need to keep his options open if ya know what i mean.
;P
› Forum › THE LOUNGE › so sad (not bunny related)