Oh Boonie, Boonie. So sad. So very sad. I was following your story closely. Similar, in a way, to our little girl. Her need to always stand. The regular bottom washing. The extra kisses. Even the hair loss was similar. And we watched her waste away. So frustrating. They are so innocent and helpless.
You were wonderful with her. So patient and loving. She was lucky to have someone like you. You two were a fateful match. You did everything you could. Hold no guilt. And that doctor of hers seems absolutely wonderful. So considerate of you, your feelings, and your little baby.
You will be lost at first. Everything in chaos, life and emotions both. Different people have different reactions. You sound so much like me. I shake like too much red bull. I clench my teeth. Brain fog. I feel sleepy all the time but I can’t really sleep good. And the weight loss. Just like you said, no matter how much I eat and drink, I lose weight precipitously like my body has gone into dangerous overburn. Basically you summed it up in that one three word sentence, “Everything is weird”. Again, like nothing is real and you’re caught in a bad dream.
Hang in there. It will get better. We all have to walk through the painful fire of loss. There is no way around it. It will be hard. But you will make it through. It’s an unfortunate fact of life, this grief that we have to go through when we lose someone so close, so special. It may seem like you aren’t going to be able to get better but it always does in time. And relief seems to never come fast enough, but come it will.
Be grateful for your life with her. I am sure she is grateful for you. Like meridiian says, she wants you to be happy. She loves you. Be kind to yourself. You are in my thoughts, the both of you.
Binky free {{{Boonie}}}