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BINKYBUNNY FORUMS

Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE Forever loved my baby angel girl….

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    • hersheyforever
      Participant
      9 posts Send Private Message

        Let’s see if I can type this through the tears, its one of those ‘bad ‘ days, do they ever stop? The worlds most beautiful, most loved and adored, most affectionate and loving baby girl ever, was taken from us, from me, and the crap thing is I don’t even know what from, and it kills me she’s not here with me, currently nudging my leg for lov, as since she came home, the couch isn’t used, I sit on the floor….but she’s not here, there are no nudges, no two gorgeous floppy ears to carress, no kisses to return, and overall this world is just a crap, bleak, empty hole without her. I’m sick of crying, I’m sick of walking through the house and no matter where I look, no matter where I turn, there will be a memory of her that will make me bawl again, things she she did that either annoyed me, irked me, I would give my right arm to have again, you want to eat our kitchen up baby girl, GO AHEAD, PLEASE COME AND DO IT, I beg you, habits she did that used to make me laugh and smile, memories of, just have me in tears.

        Why did no one, why is there no literature that tells someone the bond, the relationship you can have with a rabbit can be so frigging powerful? So meaningful? So, I’ve never thought this could be possible, she makes me so happy and loved, that I could die feeling I win the lottery, and to have her taken from me, when she was not even seven months old isn’t fair!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!! The fact that the hell her and I went through after her spaying, was just 4 weeks prior…..I would never had done to her if I ever knew this would happen…… that surgery was meant to give me like a decade more with her, no uterine cancers, just long, happy years…..the fear that I had after my son had fallen for am little baby boy at a shop, I spent like a week trying to join on here to ask all your advice on will she not love me as much if we brought him home, will she prefer the attention and affection of another bunny over mine, and will she even bond with him at all, well my fears on that should never had been, because I should post back to that, that she bonded immediately to him, but better than that, she seemed to love me more. Yes she swam in his kisses and affections, but she always came to me, she always sought me out, and we would love each other for hours if I didn’t have things to do.

        She left me, and I have no answers why……. I put Hershey and Hamish out into their run I had just made bigger for them, almost half our lawn, where only two days before when I put them in there, I watched her binky her heart out……I’ve haven’t smiled and giggled like that for ages…….

        What’s ironic is that whilst they were outside in the glorious day that it was, I was watching a rabbit documentary, when it had finished, I wanted to have cuddles with my baby girl, went outside to them, saw Hamish running about as usual, Hers laying down, I thought it was weird when she did come up to me, nor when I petted her, after a while I pucked her up…….limp…..she was like holding a rag doll, that’s the moment my life changed…… I ran inside with her in my arms, grabbed her blankie, my bag and keys and threw us into the car….I don’t know how I did it, I dint remember much, just driving in the car, speeding, screaming at her through tears to stay with me, constantly telling her to stay with me…. screaming at her, crying the whole time, she couldn’t move, only just her head, and only enough to place her beautiful head in my hand, so I could stroke her face….. we made it to the vets. I ran in with her, bawling, and the girls raced to us and took her from me after I screamed at her to help me, please help her…..

        They took her away, one came out after a while, asked me what had happened, I said I didn’t know, cause I didn’t, I went out to find her paralysed in their run, wasn’t even two hours outside, from a healthy bun, to paralysed…..WHY????

        I was finally ushered into a consultation room, I guess they were sick of hearing me sob and pace the front. They vet came in and said how she was, rattled off all these ludicrous possibilities, and recommend I make the decision to put her down….. that’s when I think my world crumbled…… I lost it, I was hysterical, I just pleaded with him that there had to be something he could do. Again, I don’t remember much, I rang my mum, what else do you do at a time like that? You call your mum. All I could think about it, how the hell do I tell my son….?

        She came down straight away, she only .lived maybe 5 mins away, the door opened and she came in, asked me what happened, after some coaxing she got something out of me, well what I only knew, which was NOTHING! He never actually concluded what was wrong with her, just what it could be….so how the hell can he tell me there’s nothing he could do? My mum, bless her, asked questions that I woukd of asked if it were someone not me, you know logical, relevant questions, and the big one, if she were yours, what would you do? He suggested three options, one we take her over 90mins to an exotic animal vet and get her opinion, which still might be the same, and then we allowed her all that time in pain, and still lose her, give her antibiotics, anti inflammatories, take her home and syringe feed her baby food, and most likely watch her die, both myself and my son, or let her go.

        All I could say is that I dint want her in pain, she’s my baby girl, I loved more than the moon, not in pain, how could we put her through that, myself and my son watch her die in pain? Wasn’t an option. He brought her on to me, on a bed, with a warmer mat, covered in her blankie, paralysed, fighting to turn her head to me. I helped her, buy cupping her head, whispering g how much I loved her, how special she is, how much my son loved her, how she changed my life, how she’s my princess, how sorry I was, I love you, I love you, I love you…..

        I told her that we have to get rid of those crusties in her eye, something we’ve said and done since the day we brought her home, coz no princess should have crusties, I said we can’t let you go like that….as I smiled, I knew she knew too…….i kept kissing her, always kissing her, telling her how much I loved her, whilst she slipped away from me.

        When she left me, a part of me died too.

        I stayed kissing and loving her for some time after, I could leave her, even after mum tried to get me to go. She asked me if we wanted to bring her home, I said no. My son and I are only renting, and the thought that we could leave her with someone else one day, made me sick. I did however want to take her blankie home with me, even though it felt so horribly wrong leaving her in that room without it, without the bright rainbow blankie around her, just their yellow, foreign blanket; I still needed that last part of her. Something I could smell, hold and cry into, as I have done a lot. I burst into tears every time I see it. She went into surgery for her spaying in that blanket, and came back out, she recovered in that blanket, slept with it, and left me in it, its important.

        My mum drove me home. As we came up the drive, I just wanted to run away, going up to that house was no longer the same, I didn’t want to walk in the door without her there to welcome me…… mum went and collected my son from school, as I walked around the house in a daze, having to tell my son was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. What’s scary is he eventually guessed after seeing my swollen, red, teary face. He went into shock after this aweful half scream, half sob…… but later many, many tears flowed from us both. This happened on Monday, its now Friday, and he hasn’t gone to school since. I’m not sure if I should feel as emotional as I do today, I can’t stop crying. I miss her, our home isn’t that anymore, its empty. Its dark and lifeless, even though there’s all of us here. I’m still on the floor, where I’ve only ever sat since she enetered our lives. Omg, I’ve only just realized I’m actually sitting in her part on the floor that was hers…….

        In our stupid grief, well mostly mine, Tuesday we went online looking for lil girl lop rabbits for sale. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We wanted her. We wanted another Hershey, we wanted a loving, affectionate princess to fill the massive, unfillable hole in our hearts, and lives. How naive I was.

        Yesterday we picked up a 4mth lilac tort lop to our home. She seemed cuddly and snuggled into the nook of my neck, seemed sweetly mannered, and was well behaved on my sins lap in the car.

        I think the realisation has hit me hard today. Slapped me cold in the face that no matter how many bunnies I search, I won’t find her. I won’t even find her equal. Although very, very pretty, and three times the size our princess, Millie, we’ve named her is skittish, runs from us, happy in our home, flopped everywhere, yet doesn’t want our affection, nor even touch. I know we were stupid, naive, ignorant, grieving in stage I’m unsure about, but she isn’t our baby, and I feel we made a huge mistake bringing another into our home, thinking all bunnies can turn out like her. We jumped in rediculously prematurely, and there’s a large part of me that wants to return her, as her original owner said we could ‘trial’ her for a couple of weeks. I’m expecting too much of her, and I’m being unfair to all concerned, her, her original owner, my son, myself, and Hershey.

        Hershey, I am so sorry. I dint know what happened to you, and my only wish is that you weren’t in pain for long. I wish I knew why you were taken from me, and I’m broken since you left.

        Princess, I will forever love you. No other creature will compare nor even come close to the amazing ness that was you! No one prepared me for how wonderful you were, nor how close our bond together was, you still astound me how much love you showed me, right to the very end my darling.

        Hershey, my baby girl, you are etched into my heart til the day I join you.  X


      • Sarita
        Participant
        18851 posts Send Private Message

          I’m so sorry for your loss. Things happen – I would say that for Hamish it is not a good idea to leave them outside unsupervised. Hugs to you.


        • litheandgraphic
          Participant
          608 posts Send Private Message

            I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Losing an animal member of the family really is one of the hardest things, and it seems like you’ll never ever get over it and you never want to try again. It will be really sad, and hard for you and your son these next few months. Everyone takes different amounts of time to heal, but you’ll get there eventually. Besides, Hershey wouldn’t want you to be sad forever! 

            Take some time and take care of yourself and your son. Don’t blame other bunnies for not being her — I hate to even suggest this, but it sounds like you may have possibly brought another rabbit into your life a little too soon. 

            Don’t worry, the hole of loss won’t be there forever. Take care of yourselves, and take care of Hamish and Millie.

            {{ Binky Free Hershey }}


          • Bam
            Moderator
            16836 posts Send Private Message

              I’m so sorry. Your text made me cry. You tried all you could.

              I hope you will recover from this grief, it will probably take som time though. I’ll be thinking of you.

              Binky free forever little Hershey.


            • MoxieMeadows
              Participant
              5375 posts Send Private Message

                Oh my goodness I am SOO sorry!
                I know it’s a horrible and tragic and unfair thing to have happened, I know that this time is going to be very painful and hard. I know it is going to feel like your world has shattered and crashed down. But I also know that the pain will slowly ease over time, and it won’t feel like this forever. I will be thinking of you and your son during this hard time.
                Hugs to you two!
                ~~~Binky free Hershey. You were loved dearly and you will be missed~~~


              • JackRabbit
                Participant
                5451 posts Send Private Message

                  Oh, that made me cry. I’m so sorry you lost your baby girl. I recently lost a pet and I know how heartbreaking it is. I still cry thinking about my sweet pup.

                  No bunny will ever replace Hershey, but hopefully you will be able to find a way to share a different piece of your heart with another bunny. Time does help, but it’s not easy. Let the good memories of your sweet girl keep her with you always.


                • LongEaredLions
                  Participant
                  4482 posts Send Private Message

                    I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. They really do take up a huge part of your heart, I know that it is so hard when they go. Take care of yourselves. Sending huge hugs.
                    ((((Binky free Hershey))))


                  • LittleBunnyPaws
                    Participant
                    304 posts Send Private Message

                      I am so sorry. I am in tears now, just thinking about losing something so dear and close to me. I hope you are doing well <3 Hugs to you.


                    • JackRabbit
                      Participant
                      5451 posts Send Private Message

                        I was thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. Sending more hugs your way.


                      • hersheyforever
                        Participant
                        9 posts Send Private Message

                          I really wanted to say how extremely grateful I am for all of your well wishes and sympathies. I really wanted to just put something out there, especially to other passionate bun parents, as our family aren’t educated enough to understand why we would opt for house bunnies, as opposed to ‘hutch kept bunnies’, that have in the past been the ignorant belief, I needed to speak about our heartbreaking loss,of our baby girl with people who like us, expect our buns to be house buns and nothing less, to have people who understand just how precious, loved and how close you can actually become with our pet of choice…….so from both my son and myself, thank you so very much. You have no idea the impact your sympathies have been for me.
                          I would like to say, its hasn’t gotten any easier. However Caleb and I are now able to talk and remineince about her on our walks home from school, about her antics, her behaviours, stories remembered, everything about her with at least smiles on our faces, if even there’s a tear quivering in the corner of my eye.
                          We still hate coming home, I think that’s the hardest part, not greeting her first thing…… I miss the sound of her digging into the kitchen lino, I miss her buzzing when she runs to me. I miss dancing around with her in the kitchen when she circles my feet, I miss cuddles with her first thing in the morning, because she won’t leave me alone if I don’t. I miss her nudges, I miss rocking her to sleep in my arms…… geez I even miss the sound of her eating my kitchen cabinet doors!!!!
                          But most of all, I miss her eager kisses, her unconditional love , and how she made me feel. Sometimes I swear I see a little dark shadow darting down the hall, then realise I didn’t.
                          The amount of times we mistakenly called the other buns Hersh or Hershey……then the sadness once we’ve realized it. Its sad, but I suppose that’s the phases of loss?
                          We had to return Millie to her breeder. She was so immensley stressed, that she wouldn’t eat her cecotrophs, and she was making a lot of them!!!! She was panicky, darting everywhere, would only be at ease with Hamish, she hid, she sadly was not a very happy bun no matter what I tried. I only ever wanted her to be happy, and seeing her so stressed, broke my heart. Her breeder has now told me that she will be kepping Millie herself, and we’ll be keeping in touch. It was sad, and both my son and I cried on returning her, the loss of Hersh still fresh and I know influenced those tears……
                          When we were prematurely looking for a new lil girl bun, we did fall for a younger 8week fawn coloured dwarf lop, and so we decided to bring her to our home. Jersey. Again Hamish has swooned her to adore him and vice versa. However that’s where her love ends. Although we see a bit of Hersh in her, in that she’s confident, not fearful of things, wants to get into everything, explore everywhere, she doesn’t want any love from me. Although shes not fearful of us, and tolerates petting, thats it. Hame has introduced her to the head of the couch, and that’s where they reside for most of the day. When I approach to pet them both, Hame accepts it, and burrs (bunny purr), she just nudges my hand away, and continues until I withdrawl. She does get called Hersh a lot, just as did Millie. We don’t realize we do it, until either myself or Caleb will catch each other out, and we feel empty, realizing just how massive a part of our life she was, and how missed she is.
                          Its depressing introducing another baby girl into the home, with so much love to give and not to have it returned. Please let me assure you, we, I know that no bun can ever replace Hersh, and I think at the inititial time of our grief we were in a way doing that by rushing to get another, but the house wasn’t the same without a girl. I see that now, I don’t regret bringing Millie, or now Jersey. A relationship doesn’t occur immediately and I think that’s what I was desperately seeking…… Love isn’t assumed or expected, its created with time and patience, and that is what I will have to do. Hershey was an unique. She was also an only bun, and therefore our relationship wasn’t shared. Sometimes I think its was just a winning lottery with Hershey. She seemed to trust and love me right from the start. Although of course there is that part of me that wishes a love as strong as Hershey’s could be recreated with another, I also need to realise that it may never be.
                          I am surprised at how much Hamish has grown since her passing. He has now turned into a kissy lil guy, but only briefly, as he has to get back to his new girl…..
                          Every day I wonder if the hole in my heart and our home will ever truly be filled as it once was. The idea that it might never, makes me depressed.

                          I know that I’m a long winded writer, so I apologise, and I thank you for taking the time to read all of this from a complete stranger to your fabulous forum. To all the leaders who created this site, and to all those who have replied to me, you don’t know how grateful I am, and that you all have helped, not just for support, but by just being, somewhere all our questions can be answered, or advice from other, more experienced bun parents.

                          I still cry all the time. I dont want to get up in the mornings, and this is going to sound absolutely bonkers, but I sleep with her blankie….. it was the last thing that enveloped her apart from my hands…..she came home in it, she went into and recovered from surgery with it, and she left me in it…..
                          I know I must sound, and act insane by doing that…..its just I miss her so much…

                          Again, thank you everyone. And my sympathies to all who have also lost their loved buns. I do think of her binkying in long grass, eating carrot tops and craisins, basking in warm sunshine for eternity knowing how cherished she is.
                          X


                        • LongEaredLions
                          Participant
                          4482 posts Send Private Message

                            It is difficult with those that do not understand the place they take in your heart. I have had people who have told me to “get over” my losses of bunnies. And so mostly I bring it here. With people who understand. I even PM people if I want to talk privately which you are welcome to do as well.
                            I am so glad that you are able to talk of her with smiles. The tears may come as well, but they may always, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Time will heal, and it will become easier to talk about her, but you will always miss her.
                            I really hope that Jersey will become what you want her to be, that she will bring you joy. She may never be as affectionate as Hershey, but maybe that was just Hersey’s special trait. The thing she will be most remembered for. Try to find the special things is Jersey. It is hard, after you have lost your “perfect bun,” but you just have to learn her quirks and love her for who she is.
                            Hershey will never be replaced, and the hole in your heart may never be filled, However, what I like to think, is when a new bun comes home after the loss of a loved one, they, in time, can “patch” the hole. The pain and sadness may go, but it may never be complete. You will always miss her, but in time, the pain will go and you will be able to remember her by the wonderful memories.
                            This is really a fabulous site of really caring people. I really do hope you will stay. It’s just like a bunch of bunny loving friends!
                            It is not insane to sleep with her blanket. it is completely normal, and in a way, beautiful. I have pawprints of my passed babies, and I keep them nearby too.
                            Lastly, this is something I like to do for those who have lost their loves. A candle for Hershey. Anyone who would like to light one, feel free.
                            http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Hersh
                            Thinking of you both. <3


                          • LittleBunnyPaws
                            Participant
                            304 posts Send Private Message

                              I know Jersey will be happy with you as her mom <3 We don't expect you to get over your loss anytime soon. Take your time, and let those tears flow.. Good luck, more huge to you.


                            • hersheyforever
                              Participant
                              9 posts Send Private Message

                                I just wanted to say a massive thank you to each and everyone of you for your lovely, heartfelt words. You have no idea just how much it has meant to me and my son, more than I can try to explain. I also want to apologise for not replying to any of you, I just found it so heart wrenching reading such lovely words, that I would bawl each time, and then couldn’t come onto this site, I was and still am in a pretty big, deep black hole that I’m trying to get out of. I thought that perhaps after some time it might be easier, but as I’m now crying, i obviously am wrong. Its not easier. Even with another bun we wanted to suffocate with love, Jersey who hates me, makes healing hard. Little Hamish still gives me kisses but only when I pick him up, he never approaches me, ( I’m unsure that’s part of his breeds personality, or if its because he’s never been an only bun?) but will still tolerate me, and I suppose almost forced kisses are better than none. It breaks my heart that I have to bribe her with food to come to me, which doesn’t always work, she hates being cuddled, I’ve lived with horrible scratches all over my chest, hands and arms, but over all this time she’s better as I give her treats whiled in my arms. Its not like she’s a skittish bun, far from it, happy to bask in pats whilst flopped somewhere, or when ever you’re not holding her, (starting to think you can’t convert a bun who doesn’t like it, sadly) she doesn’t have a care in the world, rules the lounge, bosses Ham around, makes him kiss her when she wants it, burrows into him when he doesn’t comply, gosh I could go on. She’s so beautiful, and we love her. Her chronic flops she does makes us laugh all the time, and my son and I the other day downloaded over 1400 photos of them and their hilarious and gorgeous flopping antics next to each other, even on top of each of them! So although she doesn’t love us, we still love her. Its just chalk and cheese personalities between our darling Hersh, and Jersey. I don’t want to compare them, but its hard not to. Going from the worlds most affectionate babe, to one who doesnt want a bar of you, when all you want to do is smother then with live, well, it hurts. I wonder would it be different if she were an onky bun, although that’s not an option!
                                We miss her so much. I didn’t think such a tiny creature could impact your life so much, I still regret not giving her pats every single time she nudged me….. and still I cry for her.
                                Gosh what a roller coaster these creatures have put us through.
                                Please fellow bun parents, will she ever like me ever, or she to remain a bunny’s bunny?
                                I again need to thank you all, each individually. Although you made us bawl, everyone needs to mourn loss, and maybe you never stop? Thank you.
                                I’ll be sure to shrink down hundreds of pics to post, as most are too hilarious and cute not to share. There’s also too many of Hershey that need to go up too.:-) she was and still is too precious not to.
                                Thanks everyone. Much love to you all, and your buns! X


                              • BumblesBounce
                                Participant
                                27 posts Send Private Message

                                  Oh, my heart breaks for your loss, and I hope you and your family are able to smile more and more with her memories, instead of weeping over her loss. She is never far away! Your story is familiar– our Bumble totally converted us to bunny slaves, and we sadly lost him to heart disease. Like you, we made it to the vets, only to have to make that terrible, life-changing decision to let him go. I only found BB after his passing, and it is SO wonderful to finally find a community of people who get it! I still burst into tears at random, even though I have opened my home to two beautiful buns since we lost our Bumble buddy. It was hard, at first, not to just wish they would be him. I’d have to keep reminding myself how much work and time we put in with Bumble, before he really and truly bonded with us.. and I just wanted to skip ahead to where we were all a big happy family.

                                  I am sure that with time, Jersey will come around to you. She’s still very young, and still has her lady hormones to contend with. If they’re anything like people in this regard, lady hormones are a force to be reckoned with! Once those are out of the way, I’m sure you’re going to see some positive changes. You’re giving her a wonderful home, and she’s a happy girl. Just remember that every time she does one of those wonderful flops, she’s saying “I love my life” and that is because you opened your home and your heart to her. I can’t wait to see all of those pictures!


                                • grumpytilly
                                  Participant
                                  7 posts Send Private Message

                                    This is such awful news, I am so sorry you and your son are feeling this way.

                                    How could Jersey not love you? Perhaps she just needs time. I have a little mini-lop who is very selective with her affection and does many of the same things you’ve said Jersey does (pushing you away, withholding kisses ) and I think perhaps it just takes time. When one of my buns passed I thought no one could replace him and I think it’s true. Like people, in fact more than some people I would argue, pets take a piece of our heart and it breaks when they leave us. You can’t replace Hershey because she was her own special kind of awesome but you’ve got your others to take care of as well. You sound like the most kind-hearted and loving animal person. What a wonderful image for your son to look to.

                                    I hope you find some comfort soon. xx


                                  • Tokii
                                    Participant
                                    287 posts Send Private Message

                                      I know I am very much late to reply on this,and not sure your here, but I just had to, When I first started to read your post I couldn’t help it but teared up and cried. I couldn’t even finish half of it, I had to take a break of an hour or two to get a hold of myself and read the rest. I was going through other posts about how they lost their bunnies and misses them and how others had replied saying time heals and all… and came to this thread…It makes me so happy to see such a strong love beyond describable yet sad to see a great loss. I know I cant imagine how you feel right now but I can have an idea, the uncontrollable tears rolling down my face is a proof of that. I know I should be supportive to you and me crying isn’t helping at all. But I do want you to know as a bunny mum I will always remember you and my love and thoughts are with you, your son and Hershey. Every time I see Toki, my good and loving thoughts will be with Hershey.

                                      I hope you and your son will feel better soon. And it doesn’t sound bonkers that you felt the need to keep the blankie with you and sleep with it. Its called grievance and also memories.

                                      Lots of love and huggs to both of you!

                                      (Edit)

                                      No one bunny can replace Hersheys, I know that but they could also love you so much. Please take your time in healing, no ashamed in crying over it. Cry to your heart content and take as much as time you need. 

                                      Binky free forever little Hershey.

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                                  Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE Forever loved my baby angel girl….