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Forum HOUSE RABBIT Q & A Caregiver fatigue/inadequacy :(

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    • Meg
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        Hey guys.  I have to confess the worst possible thing, and I’m just hoping that someone out there might have some wise thoughts on how to deal with this.  I am starting to wonder a little whether I will really be able to give my bunnies the kind of care they deserve.     It makes me weep to write this, but it’s true. 

         

        To make a long story short, I adopted my two beloved bunnies with my boyfriend at the time almost 5 years ago.  About a year ago the boyfriend and I split up and he is totally uninterested in offering any kind of support, so I am caring for them on my own.  I am poor, so I just share a little apartment with the buns and they have to live in the kitchen.  They’re so afraid of the wood floors here that they won’t even try them, so they can only hop around on the rugs I got for them.  That’s not that much space, though.  A month ago they both got stasis and the round-the-clock care and stress/worry involved in nursing two sick bunnies was pretty overwhelming to me, I have to admit. 

         

        Now they are both not eating well again and I started them on simethicone and Critical Care, but I really don’t want to take them to the vet again.  The last time it seemed really counterproductive — Teddy was totally fine before we went (because of Athena) and then got full-on stasis afterwards from the car ride.  They are both very nervous bunnies and it really traumatizes them to go in the car.  Plus, the vet bill was almost $800!  I would never deny them care because of money, but I also have to deal at some point with the fact that I’m still in debt and my resources are limited.

         

        Caring for sick bunnies is very demanding, in terms of time, nerves, and money.  And I’ll admit it, I feel very alone and ill-equipped when this comes up. 

         

        And looking ahead, I feel afraid and concerned.  They are turning 5 and 6 this year, respectively, and this summer I will need to move about 13 hours away (and worry about how they will handle that trip!!) to start a job that will probably involve a fair amount of travel.  The buns are too nervous to be able to handle any kind of boarding situation, so I always get a bunny-savvy bunnysitter for them to come twice a day, at a rate of $40/day.  Still, I always worry that they’ll get upset and stop eating when I go out of town — this happened once in the past.  So because of the travel (worrying about their health as well as the expense for me) and thinking about the increased time, nerves and money that could come from caring for senior bunnies, I just worry about how we will manage. 

         

        Last awful thing to admit: I have such a hard time with the worry factor in having bunnies.  I love them so much, and the delicate health of bunnies is just so hard for me to handle.  I didn’t know any of this about bunnies before adopting them (about how they can get sick so fast, hide their illnesses, etc.), and I’m not sure I would have gone down this path if I had known.  I adore them and I would definitely not take back a single wonderful day we’ve had together!!  I just don’t think my nerves are well suited to having pets with such fragile health.  :/

        So… I feel like I am almost inviting hate mail by admitting to all these feelings and worries.  :/  But I was wondering if anyone had any advice with dealing with these feelings of inadequacy (in terms of time, finances, nerves, etc.) in being the caregiver for bunnies.  Or in finding yourself the sole caregiver and feeling alone.  I’d also be grateful to hear advice/experiences from people who have had elder buns — these are the only bunnies I’ve had, and I don’t know if my worries about more frequent/serious illnesses in the years to come are justified or not. 

         

        I just feel like I need help keeping my head above water here.  Thanks so much.


      • MK
        Participant
        751 posts Send Private Message

          No one here is going to criticize you in the least! Being honest that you might not have the resources for the buns shows how much you care. When I did not have the money to pay for my bunny’s x’rays and potential surgery, I relinquished him to the local House Rabbit Society shelter, who in turn made him my permanent foster, so I still keep my bunny, and all of his meds are paid for. If someone has a better suggestion, please reply! This is a little drastic.


        • Tessie
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            Hey, for a start, there’s no need to feel bad, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

            Bunnies are a lot of work, and I understand how you feel. I have moments when Luna’s peed on my bed and Theodore’s being loud and I just think ‘YOU are NOT worth all of this money and stress!’ 
            But then of course later when I’ve calmed down I remember why they’re so great. 

            They are expensive, which I understand is a big factor. For me too, I don’t have much money to spend, and the bunnies cost me SO MUCH!  Could you cut costs anywhere in the bunnies care? For instance cheaper litter or hay? 
            For medical bills, you might want to consider insurance or a savings account for sick buns. 

            I know what you mean about them being sick easily and difficult to care for. But you’re doing the right thing by giving them the best you can.  I think it helps to remember that even though they’re sick  and a lot of effort now, they are healthy most of the time! 
            There’s no cure for worrying about their health, but you’re doing your best, it sounds like they have a loving cared for life. I’m sure they appreciate it. 

            Overall I get that you’re feeling pretty overwhelmed right now, and that’s really hard and I’m sorry. 
            But I think what you need to consider is whether this feeling is a passing phase. 
            Do you feel better after letting it all out on here with us? I suspect you do, which would show that perhaps you just need to cut yourself some slack and let out some stress. 
            If you feel like you don’t have the time any money for them, then is this a permanent situation or temporary? Perhaps this new job will mean a new schedule for you and your buns, which might be a good thing! 
            It sucks to feel alone and stressed with the responsibility of two bunnies, but at the same time, I’m sure that the bunnies are your family and that you’re all in this together. 

            I guess I’m just trying to say that I understand, and you have my sympathies. Talking about it helps, and no-one here will judge you. I’m sure we’ve all had our moments of despair, haha! 
            There will always be stressful times, but as the saying goes: this too shall pass.


          • LittlePuffyTail
            Moderator
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              First of all, you don’t need to feel bad. You clearly love your bunnies and want what is best for them.

              I can certainly relate with the stress of financial burden bunnies can be when they get sick, as well as the stress of dealing with a sick bunny. And I am a worry-bunny mama too, so you are not alone there.

              Your travel of 13 hours, will this be by car? I think we have a few members here who have done a long distance car ride with buns that may be able to offer you some advice. You mention you will be traveling within your job. How long will you be gone at a time?

              I’m concerned that your buns both got stasis at the same time. This leads me to think that maybe something is off in their diet. Sometimes (but not always) a good diet can prevent problems like stasis. Just curious what their diet is.

              It’s usually my opinion, in situations like this, that bunnies are better of staying with the person who loves them. We have heard of situations where bunnies are giving away to seemingly good homes and then they are re-homed and re-homed. Of course, only you can make the decision and we won’t judge you either way.

              I’m hoping you get some advice to help you. But remember, that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. A lot of bunny parents go through the same thing.


            • Meg
              Participant
              560 posts Send Private Message

                Hi everyone,

                Thank you so much for your kind and supportive responses! It means a lot. I know I will be rereading these a lot in the future.

                To answer some questions:

                I’ve tried to give them the diet that’s most often recommended here and on the HRS site. They get unlimited hay (BB mature oat and Oxbow meadow, because they really won’t eat timothy) with a sprinkling of the Bunny Bouquet hay topper, a pile of greens the size of the two of them every night (parsley and romaine, with occasional treats like mint or small pieces of kale), and a little of the Oxbow adult rabbit pellets (only about 2 tablespoons a day). I also give them an Oxbow Digestive Health (hay) tablet each day at noon and the Skin & Coat one about every other day at night. And at bedtime they get one Oxbow papaya tablet as a treat.

                But I’d be open to suggestions because this time too they are both seesawing a bit — first Athena wasn’t eating as well, then Teddy like last time. I wonder if they react to one another. The last time I really think it was the vet visit that upset Teddy — it was a long ride and he really hates the car, and the vet kept us there for 4 hours!! And they’re too nervous to eat the hay in their carrier when they’re in it, so I think it was also that.

                I am ok with their regular expenses, it’s more the vet bills that I can’t handle. I did have VPI for years but they almost never actually paid out, so I stopped. Once Teddy got ileus, they listed it as a pre-existing condition and wouldn’t cover anything else related to it. I tried explaining that that makes no sense, but to no avail.

                I don’t have a job lined up yet (part of the financial stress) — I am switching careers and my current contract ends in June. I’ll need to move to the hub of my new field after that (which is the 13-hour car ride away) and the jobs I’ll be applying for once the move is closer will generally involve being out of town every month or two for about 1-3 weeks at a time. This is what *sometimes* makes me wonder if the buns would be better off with a better caregiver here in Chicago. :/ Not only because of my travel, but because they barely handled the 4-hour car ride we had to make to move here a few years ago. They hid in the upper floor of their condo for a week after that! Even if we break it up into two days and I make sure to bring their familiar rug and cardboard castles and stuff for the hotel, I worry that they wouldn’t survive the trip. They are just suuuuch sensitive and nervous bunnies.

                But yeah, if I do have to travel that much, that would amount to between $300-$900/month in bunnysitting, which is kind of staggering. But more importantly, they deserve someone who would be home for them.

                I guess my biggest question right now is about what to expect (generally speaking, of course) in the years to come. After age 6 or so, how quickly might they start having more/serious health problems? I’m sure it varies, but any information about this would be helpful. I *also* worry about having sick bunnies while I’m having to travel a lot — that just doesn’t seem like a very tenable situation for them. :/

                Thank you so much again.


              • BlueMoods
                Participant
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                  We all get stresses and financially stretched with our rabbits at times. With all that has happened recently in your life, that is perfectly understandable.

                  I have 13 of them and, belive me that can get expensive fast, and it is a load of work keeping up with them. I’m fortunate to have the room and resources to care for them all but, even then it gets stressful when one or more is having a health issue.

                  Some things you may consider to save money are buying pellets and hay from a feed store rather than a pet store, it is generally less expensive that way. about 15 to 20 for a 50 lb sack of pellets and, 6 to 15 for a 60+ lb bale of hay. That would last two bunnies a long time and, save you a lot of money in that time.For their fresh greens, buy things you will eat too and share, leaf lettuce, spinach, cabbage, kale, just about anything green form the grocery that you will all eat.

                  Join a local freecycle group – google for it. People give away things they can’t use anymore that you may be able to use for yourself or for the bunnies and, you can post wants for things like rugs, enclosure parts, etc…

                  For the vet, explain your situation, ask if you can work out a payment plan, maybe 25.00 a month even if your bunnies don’t need a vet that month, some vets will let you pay ahead like that. You can also ask about volunteering at the clinic to cover part of the vet costs, or at your local shelter for a discount on vet care for them.


                • LBJ10
                  Moderator
                  16870 posts Send Private Message

                    This is an odd thought, but could someone go with you temporarily for right after you move to help out. Like a parent or other relative? I have heard of parents doing that when one of their kids has a new baby and they need extra help. My husband’s grandma spent about a month in another state to help out her daughter (my husband’s aunt) when her son was born because they had to move there (military). Not sure if that would be an option for you, but it would help lessen the stress since it sounds like it would be a temporary thing occurring immediately after you move.

                    Like the others said, no one is going to judge you here. I think we all have had circumstances present themselves that cause us to doubt we are doing what is best for our buns. The fact that you are acknowledging these concerns means you really do care about them and you are looking to do right by them.


                  • Elrohwen
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                      I’m sorry to hear you’re so stressed out. I certainly won’t flame you for it, as everybody goes through different things and only you know your situation.

                      One thing that jumped out at me is that you seem anxious and overwhelmed in general right now. Personally, it doesn’t seem like it’s really about the bunnies, but as their illness added to your stress you are focusing on them. For example, they can get sick, and I know first hand how stressful that can be, but you really shouldn’t have to worry about their health every single day to the point where it makes you generally anxious.

                      I guess what I’m saying is that giving up the bunnies might not help you feel like worried, and you might just feel guilt at letting them go. I would give it time, and work through your other life things (moving, job, etc), and see if you can get help for your anxiety. Maybe seeing a therapist or getting on medication would help you cope better with everything and the bunnies wouldn’t be as big of a burden. Big hugs! There’s no shame in admitting that you are overwhelmed and not sure what to do about it.


                    • Meg
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                        Thanks, guys. I appreciate your thoughts. No, Elrohwen, it’s not general anxiety that’s going on, but worry over the fact that the bunnies are sick right now, and about how they will handle the move and job changes I’ll need to make.

                        I am focusing right now on just trying to worry less while still taking good care of them. But what I am looking for here is information. Can anyone help me with my questions about what to expect with senior bunnies? That would be a big help.

                        Thank you!


                      • Elrohwen
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                          I’m sorry if I was off base in what I read into your initial post. Your rabbits don’t really sound any more unhealthy than most others, IME. Though really, my dog has been sick as much as my rabbits with random limping or stomach things, so I don’t think rabbits are as fragile as people on the internet sometimes make them out to be. It’s just a part of having pets of any species. I know first hand how stressful it is when they get sick, but I think it’s best to try not to worry when they’re doing well.

                          The senior thing varies so much by rabbit. One of mine has always been healthy and his senior years haven’t brought any surprises. My other has always had a weird period of not eating about once a year, and that continues, but otherwise she is bright and active and hasn’t slowed down at all. I don’t think you can automatically expect them to be sick more often as they age, though of course as any animal ages the incidence of things like arthritis and cancer do get higher.


                        • Megabunny
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                            Who was it who posted the link for info on aging bunnies??? Darn it. I should have noted that somewhere, but Bam, I think, posted something somewhere. I’ll PM her and see or maybe I can find a thread. Hope to get you something soon that might or might not help, but I heard it was good.


                          • Meg
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                              Thanks, Megabunny!

                              And thank you, Elrohwen. I don’t know how I gave the impression that I worry about them when they are well — it’s the fact that they’re both sick *now*, just one month after they last had stasis. I found a lump on Athena’s abdomen, so we will go to the vet tomorrow. Thanks.

                              I’m grateful for the information on seniors! I just want to make sure these two get the best possible care.


                            • Stickerbunny
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                                Powder is estimated to be about 6-7 years old and he’s perfectly healthy, beyond the neuter he’s just had routine vet visits. Both of my buns sometimes stop eating, but so far I have been able to detect what caused it and remove it from their diet. Belly rubs and simethicone has kept them from stasis, so no vet visits for it yet. Parsley being too old, or the wrong type is what ended up causing two of the incidents. I found my store carries pretty bad parsley in general and it can cause tummy upset if I am not careful with it. Other greens haven’t been as much of an issue, though they did get upset tummies after eating bok choy one day (even though it seemed OK and they had both had it multiple times before no problem). Main changes I have noticed with age is more laying around, less running around.

                                For your floor what I do for mine because their “room” is a wooden floor is I have this HUGE throw rug I got from wal-mart for $20 that pretty much covers 80% of their large bedroom and has a rubber underside to make it non-slip. That way it’s almost like carpeting their room. It’s hard and thin compared to the rest of the carpet, so easier to clean if they pee on it (which happens). They are comfortable on it though and something like that could be cut to fit your kitchen around cabinets etc so it’s like having carpet in the whole room.

                                Instead of VPI, since you had trouble with them, you could try carecredit if you can get it. Or, just carry a credit card that you keep for emergencies for them. Use it once a month for like pellets or something and then pay it off and it’ll help build up your credit and be a security backup if they get sick and you don’t have the cash. Or just keep an interest checking account just for them and put what you can to the side in it.


                              • Megabunny
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                                  Yay! I found it. It wasn’t Bam. It was RabbitPam who saw this. I haven’t seen it yet, but my kiddos are pretty young, except Charlie, but he’s too crabby to get sick. LOL Actually he’s happy now that he has a pal

                                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZVS52i41K0


                                • Beka27
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                                    I’m sorry you’re frustrated. :o( I don’t really have much else to add, but I’m keeping you in my thoughts.

                                    With older bunnies, you just don’t know what the future is going to bring. My lop passed in June (he was about 8 or 9 years old) and he was totally fine one day, the next day he was gone. I don’t know what happened, if it was just old age…? I’m thankful that he didn’t appear to suffer.

                                    Other buns have long, drawn-out battles with illness. I think it’s important to know your limitations. I love my remaining bunny as much as the next person. I give her the best that I possibly can, but I also have a family and other obligations. I know that if something was to come up that would be very, very expensive with an iffy prognosis, while it would be extremely difficult, I would probably make the decision to let her go. This is my opinion and others take another approach… It’s all about knowing what you can and cannot do realistically.

                                    Are you looking to find them another home In Chicago? Or what are you feeling like you want to do, deep down in your gut?


                                  • Ouisie
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                                      Oh Meg I hope (and know you will) get some valuable support here. It can be so difficult sometimes, our rabbits have had many problems too. We’re currently caring for a bun with E cuniculi who has been separated from his companion. My husband and I work together every night to ensure everything has been done and we’ve spent time with each baby ( we have 3 cats, 3 rabbits and 3 ferrets, our house is a zoo!). You have done so well to cope up until now on your own. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things get better for you. x


                                    • RabbitPam
                                      Moderator
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                                        Yep, it was me.

                                        My very first thought was to ask VPI pet insurance if, when the bunnies are well again (ie. not with a pre-existing condition) if you can get insurance. It helps so much with the vet bills, and I know they won’t insure pre-existing, but if there’s a window where one or both are healthy again, sign up fast so you can worry much less about any future issues. I found it really helpful when things got tight financially. ($12/month per bunny.)

                                        I think Elrohwen and I have similar thoughts about stressing about what hasn’t happened yet, instead of staying focused on the present alone. It’s hard, but you can make your moving arrangements and just get it done at that time, and you will see if they are OK then. Even without the insurance, by the time you move they will be in different, hopefully better shape, and bunnies can move rather well. I moved mine several times, and I found that as long as I set up their habitats in the new home asap in exactly the same way as before, they just settled down. Have House Will Travel. Keep routines consistent, ie. food, sleep. They may do much better than you anticipate.

                                        The same for future illnesses. You just can’t predict. But you can research ahead from where you are by simply going on the internet and doing a search for Exotic Vets (try the link in Q&A for the vet finder on the HRS site) in the new location. You can check out their websites, even call to ask what they charge, say, for your current treatments and say you are trying to prepare for their care ahead of the move so you can connect with a good vet as soon as you arrive. Ask if they bill new patients with a payment plan option. You can also do that for rescues in the new area. And possibly look for a veterinary school in the new place that might want to study geriatric rabbits. Often, a local school will love seeing your bunnies, care for them as a teaching option, and possibly board them for treatment. It’s a way to pro-actively prepare for the various options you may want once you’re there.

                                        My vet boards bunnies, so when I had to travel it was perfect, since my bunny knew her. And when Spockie was geriatric and had chronic conditions, he boarded with her for a week during my trip, plus I felt totally reassured that if he got worse he was right there. She only charged $15 a day for boarding, much less than you’re paying.

                                        I hope some of these ideas help. We all face these issues eventually, so you have lots of us who understand how upsetting a complicated situation like yours can feel. Sometimes just discussing it makes it loom a little less large.


                                      • Meg
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                                          Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate all this information and support.

                                          I think especially helpful were the comments that bunnies are usually best off with people who really love them, and that not every bunny gets sick in old age — it just depends on the individual. I agree, it’s best not to worry too much about things far down the road. And considering that trying to rehome them (which is difficult in my area anyway — the HRS Chicago never accepts any surrenders from owners) could cause them as much stress as the move, I don’t feel as mean making them move with me. That was my main concern: that I wouldn’t be doing the best thing for them. But what I feel in my gut is that we are a family and we will weather whatever comes together. Thinking that they might rather be with me even when I have to move or whatever helps me feel better about whether I’m doing the best thing for them.

                                          So we will take each day as it comes, and maybe the move won’t be as bad as I’m fearing. And meanwhile I do have a credit card in case of more vet emergencies, and I’ll look into a vet school as RabbitPam mentioned.

                                          Thank you all so much for your kind help and advice. I really appreciate it. I love these bunnies so much and you’ve helped me to worry less and just focus on the love. Thank you.


                                        • Meg
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                                            p.s. In my experience VPI makes you wait one year after the last illness and then have the vet send a bunch of paperwork certifying that your bunny has been healthy for a year before you can get a pre-existing condition exclusion removed. But I’ll look into that once it’s been a year again.


                                          • Beka27
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                                              I think you’re correct about the waiting period with VPI.

                                              The unknown is definitely scary. We all have different situations come up (moving, switching jobs/unemployment, family/personal illness, etc…). I personally feel that it’s OK if they get the minimum sometimes. Having the minimum in care (clean conditions, proper diet) with someone who LOVES them and understands rabbit care is better than the alternative.

                                              If you could find the perfect person to take them, that could be an option, but that also doesn’t mean that the new person’s situation would never change! At that point, where they went would be out of your control completely…

                                              I’m glad you’re feeling better and we’ve been able to offer support. Feel free to keep us updated! I think you’re doing just fine. 🙂


                                            • BunnyLady1989
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                                                I have nothing more to add than what everyone already said. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Your doing great and you are being a wonderful bunny mom. You should be proud of yourself! You have two wonderful sweet babies who love you and depend on you. Remember you always have lots of ears here who will listen and we will never judge you or think badly of you


                                              • Meg
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                                                  Thank you so much, everyone!! You are so kind and I really appreciate it. I hope you and your bunnies have a great day!


                                                • BunnymomKS
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                                                    I just want to add that if these bunnies are your first bunnies, they’re like your first children! And it’s natural for a newer “mom” to be more anxious and uncertain than an experienced mom, even though you’ve had these buns several years. I was that way with my first house rabbits.

                                                    And there are times even after years, when it’s like you’re still in uncharted waters . . . I recently lost a bunny to GI issues – long story, but she’d never had them in the time I’d had her, and was getting into middle age or possibly even senior since she was large breed, so was more sedate in general. That might’ve made symptoms harder to notice than they already are. Hard to tell. 

                                                    As far as the long travel of 13 hours, would it be possible to map your route and contact HRS or shelters at the towns you’d be stopping in? Who knows, bunny people are pretty friendly and helpful, you might even be able to check in with some at each destination and take a breather, get some support, swap stories, etc. – it might be very reassuring.

                                                    Wishing all the best for you and your bunnies.


                                                  • Meg
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                                                      Thanks! I really appreciate it. And I’m so sorry for your loss.

                                                      thanks again!!


                                                    • BunnymomKS
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                                                        You’re very welcome, and thank you for the condolences. They mean a lot.

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                                                    Forum HOUSE RABBIT Q & A Caregiver fatigue/inadequacy :(