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The subject of intentional breeding or meat rabbits is prohibited. The answers provided on this board are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet.  It is your responsibility to assess the information being given and seek professional advice/second opinion from your veterinarian and/or qualified behaviorist.

BINKYBUNNY FORUMS

Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE Still trying to find a reason/blaming myself

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    • christineann
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        It has been 3 months since my sweet boy Wesley passed over to the rainbow bridge. As much as I like to think that I have come to a place of acceptance and peace, I still cry about it sometimes and find myself looking at pictures of him, randomly thinking of him and feeling pain and a strong want for answers I will never get. I miss him so much and I just keep wondering what killed him, what took him so suddenly. I don’t even know exactly what happened, was it a stroke, a seizure? I’ve asked my two vets, at home in Texas and here at school and both assured me that if it was something that took him that quickly, it was likely something that could not have been detected, possibly not treatable and there was nothing I could have done. They couldn’t quite give me a reason or tell me what might’ve happened, a best guess was a blood clot which caused paralysis and seizure..All I know was he was happy in my arms one moment, and gone not even 20 minutes later. 

        I keep considering his health- he was only six years old..and just a year ago he was a happy chunky bun. The vets said he needed to lose a little weight and I had been spoiling him too much. He had molar spurs but they were filed down on a regular basis. 

        In his last months he got so skinny. the vet had told me that she too was concerned with his weight, and it could be an internal parasite but they would never truly know without running tests for which they did not have resources…something strange as well was that the shaven areas on his ears during his molar surgery took almost 5 months to grow back in.. 

        But as skinny and bony as he was, he was so happy and normal, binkying about, following my EVERYWHERE (up and down the stairs, in the kitchen, into the bathroom), and snuggling with me at every moment just as he always had. He was a trouble maker, always finding ways to get into cereal or fruit trays in the kitchen.. if you were eating chips near him he would try to snatch one, he even once took a sip of my almond milk before I shoo’d him away. 

        The only time I feared for his health was when he had a massive bout of diarhhea one early morning. I had fed him and nursed him back to a normal eating drinking pooing cycle.. 

        It was after that and I began to seriously see his weight loss that I began researching ways to help him gain weight. He never liked eating hay, no matter what amount or variety I bought. He enjoyed his timothy pellets.. 

        I had read several sources on rolled oats helping a rabbit to get fiber and gain a bit of weight, so I began semi-regularly mixing in some oats with his pellets and veggies which he seemed to enjoy.

        Its just the more that I think about it and read different things, the more I think I hurt him in some way. Did the oats hurt him, did he come in contact with something in my garden that was poisonous and slowly killed him on the inside? He did not show a single sign of illness other than a low weight. He had so much energy and love.. so why was he taken so suddenly? Was it some disease that showed no symptoms that he had for a long time without my knowledge? Did I feed him something that slowly caused him to be sick? When I fostered a bunny, they would get in fights to the point where I had to separate them. At one point Wesley had a big open wound on his bottom that bled.. I put antiseptics for days until it seemed to heal back to normal.. I even wonder about that wound! I keep finding millions of reasons why it could’ve been my fault somehow but I won’t ever know. 

        I did all my research and did my very best to give him the greatest care and NO ONE loved him more than I.. I talked about him and loved him as if he truly was my baby, my best friend more than any human. I just hurt and it pains me to know that I will never have the answers to any of these questions. I hurt for his baby sister, where as she and I have grown closer than ever, I know that I am no match for the bond she had with him and it pains me to think of her being lonely. 

        I can only hope that someday I will truly be at peace with everything and know that my boy will come hopping back into my arms on some future day when I arrive in Heaven with him.


      • Deleted User
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        22064 posts Send Private Message

          I am so sorry that your still hurting so badly, your story hit the pit of my tummy and then touched my heart – I can only say time (and only time) will gradually ease the pain along that awful sick feeling in your gut. But I think you have to make the first move, time will stand still for you till you begin to accept that sometimes the loss of a loved one before their time does happen and it quite simply is no ones fault and for no good reason. Your not being fair on yourself, and most importantly Wesley. I can assure you, for the wonderful life Wesley had being in your care – this is not how he would want to repay you, he would want you to think of all the happiness you both shared, especially the times he made you smile and laugh. You don’t need the answers to his passing – not anymore. All that matters was his quality of life and how loved he was. Each to their own, but I’m a great believer of quality over quantity. Getting on with life does not mean for one second you are being disrespectful of Wesley’s memory or will forget him. I promise you, you will hear, see or do something and he will just pop into your head. Sometimes it will be funny, happy and even sad – and that’s Wesley’s way of telling you he is still with you. Cherish your memories, that is Wesley’s gift to you.
          You are so much more fortunate than a lot of us who have suffered losses, you have his baby sister to take comfort in and she you. I hate to use the word lucky at such a sad time for you, but you are. Wesley is such a beautiful guy – keep him beautiful and think everything happy, and not why? You have a baby girl depending on you and deserves the same adoration and love that you showed Wesley. This is your chance to look after her now that Wesley can’t. Again, I am so sorry and can only hope your hurt today is a little bit less than tomorrow. Take care christineann and Wesley’s little sister.


        • lozzkate
          Participant
          59 posts Send Private Message

            I’ve just read your post and the way your Wesley passed sounds similar to the way my mischief passed. mischief lost a lot of weight to the point where you could see his bones and the vets didnt know what was the cause of it. it’s frustrating when you dont know what happened and you constently think did i do this wrong did that hurt him. it’s hard to move one when you lost a friend but you just have to tell yourself i did the best for him, i loved him from the bottom of my heart and that will never change. just keep thinking that there is no where you can go without him watching you.

            binky free Wesley 


          • MoxieMeadows
            Participant
            5375 posts Send Private Message

              I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m not sure there’s much I can say to make you feel much better. Just know that you loved him VERY much, and I’m sure he knew that. Know that you took the best care of him you could have, that anyone could have. I truly hope you will soon have some peace of mind. I know how long it can take to heal from the loss of a pet. You may not ever fully heal, but it will get easier. I need to say again, that I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and Wesley’s little sister in my thoughts throughout the week.
              ((((Binky Free Wesley))))


            • lightsandlove
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              8 posts Send Private Message

                Posted By lozzkate on 5/13/2014 9:27 AM

                I’ve just read your post and the way your Wesley passed sounds similar to the way my mischief passed. mischief lost a lot of weight to the point where you could see his bones and the vets didnt know what was the cause of it. it’s frustrating when you dont know what happened and you constently think did i do this wrong did that hurt him. it’s hard to move one when you lost a friend but you just have to tell yourself i did the best for him, i loved him from the bottom of my heart and that will never change. just keep thinking that there is no where you can go without him watching you.

                binky free Wesley 

                This meant a lot to me to read. Thankyou. I am struggling with bunny loss as well. 


              • xBunnyKissesx
                Participant
                57 posts Send Private Message

                  I am so sorry for your loss. Don’t blame yourself, I’m sure Wesley is now in Heaven, doing binkies and happily munching on hay. .


                • MK
                  Participant
                  751 posts Send Private Message

                    Don’t blame yourself so much. I know it is very hard to lose a loved companion, I lost a bunny as well. But beating yourself up isn’t going to help you move on, and the best way to honor Wesley’s memory is to be happy, not sad. 

                    For me, something that helped me tons was posting my bunny’s picture and a little memorial in the Colorado House Rabbit Society’s page for loved and missed. Now I can go there sometimes and see her picture and I no longer feel that she will just be in my mind. I also have a little stone with her name on it in the backyard. You have to move on at some point.


                  • sweetoreo
                    Participant
                    18 posts Send Private Message

                      I know that loss of a bunny is no small matter. I feel sorry for your loss and I hope you will soon find peace and courage to move on. Plz don’t blame yourself.

                      Binky Free Wesley!!!

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                  Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE Still trying to find a reason/blaming myself