My parents won’t let me spay my rabbit?

[Kayla_mac1]

My mom won’t let me spay my rabbit. I have even emailed the exotic vet and asked for a price range and I have enough money (because i’m in high school and have worked for the neighbour for a week and earned a hundred dollars and plus there’s Christmas money). There is no reason why I cannot get my rabbit spayed, I have even told my mom that rabbits have an 80% chance of getting cancer before the age of four. Her excuse was that rabbits belong in the wild, and she is not willing to let me spend my money on a rabbit who she never wanted in the first place. In other words, my pet doesn’t deserve to live her full lifespan just because she’s a rabbit. It’s just not fair! She might not like my rabbit, but I love my rabbit to death and have always taken full responsibility for her. What do I do? I really want her spayed because she’s starting to be aggressive and plus I don’t think I could cope if I lost her to cancer.

[Tessie]

This might be the wrong thing to say, (sorry if it is) but if you have the money why do you need their permission?
It’s good to see you’re so aware of your bun’s health needs.

[Kayla_mac1]

I don’t even have my permit yet so I need a ride from either my sister or my mom (but my sister isn’t on board either and won’t give me a ride unless my mom says its okay) and no its wasn’t the wrong thing to say because I even considered it myself until I realized that it was not really an option, and thanks

[Tessie]

I see. I can’t drive yet either and it is a right pain, so I do understand! haha

umm… Is there anyone else who might be able/willing to give you a lift?

[Kayla_mac1]

yeah, it really is, lol. And no, there isn’t anybody that would be willing to give me a lift without my mom’s permission.

[Zombie-Sue]

Right? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins? Friends?

[Kayla_mac1]

no, I don’t have any family nearby and my friends can’t drive yet either and their parents won’t. My best bet is to get my sister involved cause she actually cares about animals beyond the usual dog and cat, but to do that I would have to get her to do actually research and I’ve annoyed her enough already. (I’ve already brought up the topic twice to her and three times to my mom)

[BunnyLady1989]

This is so sad. Bunnies are a huge responsibility, especially financially and I am proud of you for trying to take responsibility for your bunny. It’s sad that a lot of people feel this way about rabbits and sadly the only thing that can be done is educating these people. If she believes that rabbits belong in the wild I’d like to know what the view is on dogs and cats? There are domesticated and wild dogs and cats. Bunnies are no different. How long have you had her and how old is she? Your bunny that is I do wish you luck and I hope you can help her see the importance of taking care of these little animals.

[Deleted User]

Oh wow! What to say? A lot of us BBer’s are parents and would be thrilled if our child turned out to be so loving, responsible and respectful of an animals right to a good life! Your mum should be ‘proud’ – not only do you care, you have saved/earned the money yourself and are prepared to spend it on ‘your pet’ and not a new designer dress, good for you! Honestly, if you were mine – I’d not only take you to the vet to have it done, I would take on bragging rights to how fantastic my child is, wanting to do this with no encouragement. Maybe you will get a few more replies, and can (only if appropriate) show this to your mum or sister. I’m in no way being disrespectful to your mum, she must be wonderful to have raised a child as wonderful as you. No matter the outcome Kayla – stay/keep being the awesome person you are!

[Kayla_mac1]

Thanks for all the support. My mom likes dogs (she let us spay our current dog.) And I’m not completely sure on her age but she’s probably six or seven months. I’ve only had her for two or three.

[Kayla_mac1]

Oh wow, Andhenry, thanks for all of the support. I will defenently show that to my mom and it might just do the trick (or at least inform her a bit on the responsibilities of owning a rabbit)

[BunnyLady1989]

You have a sweet and caring heart, and no doubt your bunn loves you so much keep up the good work and I think you will get somewhere. You seem like a very responsible girl. Like I said earlier education! Keep educating your family on bunnies in general and the importance of this. I had to read horror stories of female bunnies who had not been spayed before I took lulu in to get spayed. I didn’t know the severity of it until that point. Not that I suggest looking up those stories, they are not pretty, but I’m glad I did because it made me more aware. Good luck dear!

[Deleted User]

Kayla, we are ‘dog people’ in our house….. but our love for Henry and other pets that we have taken on for whatever reason at the time – they (forget loving them the same for the moment) are entitled to the same quality of life. I don’t expect anyone to be super silly like me – but I felt bad putting Henry to bed (cage) when the dogs were free to sleep with us, so our Henry is free range 24/7 too. As I said, I don’t expect anyone to be as pathetic (ha ha hah) as me, but, your bunny deserves to be cared for no differently to any other pet in your home. It shouldn’t matter what animal it is – it is a life. If you can’t get your family on board for now – keep saving (I think that’s great!), & the time will come (I don’t think it’s ever to late to have your girl spayed) and ‘you’ will be able to do it for her. Don’t give up. Always remember, we at BB will support you no matter what, so don’t hesitate to keep in touch regarding your girl.

[MoveDiagonally]

Hello Kayla_mac1! I have edited your age out of one of your responses. We ask that minors not post their age on the forums.

I think it’s great that you’re being so responsible with the care of your rabbit. How old is she?

[NewBunnyOwner123]

This might get more responses if it was moved to the diet and care section? Perhaps people can help with ideas on how to convince your mom to allow it. Very proud to see a young person be so responsible for their pet. Earning your own money by putting in your valuable time and spending it on your bunny! Very responsible of you and shows good character. You still have time to get you’re bunny spayed as she is still young and even in a couple years (not sure your age or when you get your permit) you can drive her yourself to get her spayed. Even when she’s a little older. So keep talking to family and friends, educate them on the importance of spaying rabbits (don’t over do it though! Or you can annoy and make them even more stern on the idea of not allowing) and hopefully a window of opportunity opens up for you and your rabbit.

[Beka27]

You do have time to get her spayed to prevent/eliminate cancer, but of course the behavioral/aggression issues may continue until the hormones are removed.

Is she a house rabbit? Buns in the house are generally easier to live with if they are spay/neutered. Removing hormones can improve litter box habits, reduce urine smell, reduce destructive behaviors (like chewing and digging), and as mentioned, improve relationships with family and other pets due to decreased aggression.

I am sure you have done your research and these are all things you know already, but maybe something to discuss with your family?

[Beka27]

I agree this needs to be relocated. I’m going to move this to Q&A…

[rissakai007]

The amount of people in the world who do not know the difference between wild, domestic, and ”tame” is ridiculous! It makes me so angry sometimes. Your pet rabbit is domestic. Domestication is a genetic process that takes decades+ to acheive! (most recently done with foxes in Russia through the SibFox program). Humans domesticated rabbits long ago and have therefore inherited the care of those rabbits. Domestication causes an animal to be entirely relient on human care. If you were to release a domestic animal (and it survived) it would go feral. It would not become wild. There is a difference. And then a ”tame” animal is like the abused animals at circuses and $eaworld. They are wild and still able to revert (hence all the accidents). They are not domestic because there has been no legitimate process done to domesticate them. They are bred soley for money/stock with no consideration of genetics (consideing that they inbreed), which is the most important factor in domestication.

[rayray]

That’s so sad that your mum can’t be bothered to just give you a ride somewhere. Especially for something so important. I’m assuming you need a ride because you live outside a city. Otherwise all I can suggest is grabbing a friend and taking public transport/cab. Most will alway animals on provided they are in a carrier.
Otherwise, keep saving and hope our sister or mum will be worn down eventually.

[Kayla_mac1]

Thanks again everybody, especially for changing the category cause I’m new to this and didnt know how to change it. And yes, Ellie is a full time house rabbit.

[Eepster]

As a parent, I think suggestions that she she sneak behind her parents’ backs are extremely dangerous. Yes, there are good reasons her bunny should be spayed, but those reasons do not outweigh her own safety and going off without her parents knowing is potentially dangerous.

I often have to say to my son, that it doesn’t matter if you are right and the adult in charge is wrong (most often his grandpa) sometimes you still need to follow the adult. Kayla is right, but she still can’t just go against her parents.

The real solution is figuring out how to talk to your parents about this. First off, you’ll need to listen to them. You can’t address their concerns unless you really listen to those concerns and understand them.

Is it mostly the money? Then you would discuss the cost of spaying vs the cost of treating uterine cancer. You could also talk about how you would be able to earn back your Christmas money.

Is it some kind of a moral thing with the belief that bunnies are wild animals? Find a book at the library or a paper on line that gives the history of how domestic rabbits have been breed for hundreds of years and are unrelated to the wild bunnies of North America (assuming you live in NA.)

Are they concerned about the pain and risk of surgery? Set up a consultation with the vet who can explain why the benefits outweigh the risks when spaying a female rabbit.

What ever their concern is, addressing it specifically instead of just repeating the general mantra that spaying is good is going to be much more effective.

[LBJ10]

So rather than spending your money on something so “silly”, what would your parents prefer you spend it on? Just curious. I can probably think of a lot of things to spend money on that a “worse” than “wasting” money on a pet rabbit. Perhaps whatever the answer is can help you with your reasoning.

[Beka27]

I absolutely agree with Eepster. Sneaking and doing it is not a good idea. If it comes down to it, you may need to wait until you are of legal age. At that point, the decision is yours.

[Kayla_mac1]

She mostly just wants me to spend my Christmas money on something that I would enjoy. I’ve already talked to her till I was blue in the face so I guess my best option is to wait till the summer and get a job so that I could afford to spay her with only my money. I’m sure if its only my money and its something I really wanna do my sister will back me up and take her to get spayed. Thanks for all the help everybody you guys are awesome.

[Beka27]

I think that sounds like a good idea about getting a job. Maybe just drop the subject altogether for now. I don’t quite understand the Christmas money situation… If it was a gift to you, it was a gift to YOU and it’s use shouldn’t really be dictated by the giver… But whatever. Sometimes it’s better to just drop it and get along. Be the bigger person… 🙂

[Nelli]

Your bunny is still young. I understand the behavioral benefits of spaying, but the actual “danger”, meaning cancer, is usually presenting itself well after the first year of life. I know it’s hard to wait when you know you’re right, but patience is probably the best thing right now. On a side note, I (we, me and my daughters) have two bunnies, that are going to get spayed next week. They will be a week less than 2 years old. I waited, as usually here they spay the buns a bit later, like after the first year or two.

I’m sure things will turn out well for you and your bunny. You sound so responsible and caring that I wouldn’t worry too much. Your mother will most probably see the reason, just give her some time

[Hazel]

Posted By Kayla_mac1 on 01/18/2014 08:52 AM

She mostly just wants me to spend my Christmas money on something that I would enjoy.

Your mother’s reasoning doesn’t make much sense to me and seems rather short sighted. You want to spend this money in order to be able to ENJOY your bunny for a long time, rather than having to watch it die from cancer and having to put it down eventually. I don’t guess she expects you would get much enjoyment out of that scenario.

It’s baffling me a little bit that a parent wouldn’t be proud of their child trying to be responsible with their money and wanting to do right by their pet. She would rather see you splurge and spend it on some short lived fun thing? It seems that you have a much more adult outlook on spending money and taking responsibility for a pet that depends on you than your parents do.

Getting a job would of course be a good idea. Although I’m wondering if it would change much in the end. Your money is your money, weather you earned it at work or got it for Christmas. So I’m worried that you mother might give you the same response in the end.

[kcomstoc]

It’s not a good idea to sneak out to do it but honestly if she was my rabbit and I was in your circumstances I would take a bus and go do it. My bunny’s safety means more to me than being grounded or whatever, but that’s just me. I would take the consequences and say I did what was right for my animal. I’m not suggesting you do this I was just saying I wouldn’t care if it was me.

[Zombie-Sue]

As a parent, I think suggestions that she she sneak behind her parents’ backs are extremely dangerous. Yes, there are good reasons her bunny should be spayed, but those reasons do not outweigh her own safety and going off without her parents knowing is potentially dangerous.

I think the one thing that’s stopping her is the ride thing, she doesn’t have to actually sneak.

You came to the party after her age was edited out, but she’s old enough to not be in any danger by going to the vet, LOOOOL. 

[DaisyBunz]

Wow! I totally agree with AndHenry, rissakai, Beka….well said, guys, and so true! You are definitely responsible and I can see you are trying your best to do what’s best for your bunny. I know this totally doesn’t help, but your mom should be proud that you saved up your own money, AND did all that research on the price and the benefits of spaying female bunnies…etc. Very mature and a sign that you will grow up to be a great bunny owner!
It certainly upset me to hear your mom wouldn’t let you spay your bunny, sure, and it’s frustrating that she didn’t understand the IMPORTANCE of spaying bunnies.(and I’m shocked she said no. Why? It’s not like she has to pay for it!! Can’t she see how responsible you are??) Don’t give up. How about you work on a sort of PowerPoint presentation or essay that covers everything about bunny spaying, benefits, all that. Sit down with your mom and just talk calmly about the issue. This usually works, and most parents love when kids write essays like that, or talking with them maturely about something they feel strongly about! Love your perseverance for the sake of your rabbit, girl! That is something I really appreciate. Stay strong!

[DaisyBunz]

Sorry..double post. Sigh.. Fixed it.

[Eepster]

Posted By Zombie-Sue on 01/18/2014 06:24 PM

As a parent, I think suggestions that she she sneak behind her parents’ backs are extremely dangerous. Yes, there are good reasons her bunny should be spayed, but those reasons do not outweigh her own safety and going off without her parents knowing is potentially dangerous.

I think the one thing that’s stopping her is the ride thing, she doesn’t have to actually sneak.

You came to the party after her age was edited out, but she’s old enough to not be in any danger by going to the vet, LOOOOL. 

The danger isn’t in the actual going to the vet obviously.  The danger is in accepting a ride from an older person who is irresponsible enough to be willing to go behind her parents and her parents having no knowledge of where she is.

Also, the punishment might not just be grounding, it might be something worse like getting rid of the bunny.  We don’t know if her parents are the sort of people who would do that, but we do know there are plenty of parents who put up their child’s bunny for sale on craigslist for various reasons.

She needs to get her parents on board with spaying before she moves forward.

[niniliefie]

I might be old fashioned, but myself and all my siblings are in our late 20’s, early 30’s and when we are at my parents house… Their rules still apply! So regardless of age, as long as you are living under your parents roof, you should abide by their rules. Even if it seems outrages! Previous posts suggest educating and negotiating! I think that is the best approach(we use it in therapy with all ages and it truly is the best way to find a middle ground). First ask and REALLY listen to their reasoning, then state your side! My bun is a male, but from what I’ve read, you don’t HAVE to spay her now! You have some time! So sit down and talk to them a few times. Set goals(time wise) and give them a plan of how and why you want to achieve this. Make an appointment to talk so that you know you have their attention. Most parents will not be completely unreasonable.

Going behind their backs in anyway, wil cause them to distrust you! That will make any future requests even tougher.

Maybe let them read the entire thread? So they know how you feel! Openness always gets you further in the end. Its just a little tougher in the beginning!

[kcomstoc]

I don’t think it always causes parents to distrust you, my mom knew I was responsible for my age and that I almost NEVER lied so when I started dating an older person *5 years older and I was underage* I lied about his age and we dated for 3 months before my mom found out his real age (she googled him ) but by then she knew he was a really nice guy and now we’ve been together for almost 4 years. My mom was mad that I lied but she knew she wouldn’t have given him a chance if she knew his real age. She never mistrusted me for it. But I didn’t think about them secretly getting rid of the bunny. My parents would’ve NEVER done that no matter how angry they were. If they saw how much I cared about something they wouldn’t just get rid of it like that. Though I’m sure that’s not all parents so you’re right Eepster.

[Kayla_mac1]

My mom wouldn’t sell my rabbit no matter how mad she is at me. which is the one thing i should probably give her gratitude for. I was actually supposed to rehome ellie as soon as I took her in because her owner had had her in some pretty poor conditions so we didn’t really have a choice. But my mom said “we can’t rehome her, shes blind in one eye and someone might use her as snake food” so I am very grateful for that, which is probably another reason why my mom won’t get her spayed (because my mom probably thinks we’ve done enough for ellie already, which I probably should have mentioned) but she deserves more. I wont sneak behind my moms back, because I would still get in a lot of trouble. The summer seems like a great time to spay her because shell be still just under a year old and i’ll have my own money.  

[Zombie-Sue]

Posted By Eepster on 01/18/2014 11:21 PM

Posted By Zombie-Sue on 01/18/2014 06:24 PM

As a parent, I think suggestions that she she sneak behind her parents’ backs are extremely dangerous. Yes, there are good reasons her bunny should be spayed, but those reasons do not outweigh her own safety and going off without her parents knowing is potentially dangerous.

I think the one thing that’s stopping her is the ride thing, she doesn’t have to actually sneak.

You came to the party after her age was edited out, but she’s old enough to not be in any danger by going to the vet, LOOOOL. 

The danger isn’t in the actual going to the vet obviously.  The danger is in accepting a ride from an older person who is irresponsible enough to be willing to go behind her parents and her parents having no knowledge of where she is.

Also, the punishment might not just be grounding, it might be something worse like getting rid of the bunny.  We don’t know if her parents are the sort of people who would do that, but we do know there are plenty of parents who put up their child’s bunny for sale on craigslist for various reasons.

She needs to get her parents on board with spaying before she moves forward.

That’s fine and sound advice, but you were concerned about her personal safety. There’s a difference between going to the veterinarian when your parents don’t want you to and running out to do something illegal. Furthermore, not everyone’s parents are as reasonable as you might be. As the daughter of completely unreasonable people myself, I’ve helped my sister get around the rules in NON DANGEROUS ways plenty of times, and I don’t believe I’ve been irresponsible in doing so, nor has my sister ever been in any actual danger.

Just trying to ease your mind.

My mom wouldn’t sell my rabbit no matter how mad she is at me. which is the one thing i should probably give her gratitude for. I was actually supposed to rehome ellie as soon as I took her in because her owner had had her in some pretty poor conditions so we didn’t really have a choice. But my mom said “we can’t rehome her, shes blind in one eye and someone might use her as snake food” so I am very grateful for that, which is probably another reason why my mom won’t get her spayed (because my mom probably thinks we’ve done enough for ellie already, which I probably should have mentioned) but she deserves more. I wont sneak behind my moms back, because I would still get in a lot of trouble. The summer seems like a great time to spay her because shell be still just under a year old and i’ll have my own money.

I’m glad you’ve found a solution. You might start looking around now! Finding a job (especially if this is your first one) can be really hard!!

[BunnyLady1989]

I think things are going to work out just fine I’m glad you told us more about your mom and how Ellie came to you. It puts a different perspective on things. I think we can all agree on here that you are going to be a great bunny mom good luck with everything and keep is posted when you are able to get her spayed!

[Beka27]

Let’s try and reel this back in guys… 😉

I’m glad to hear that your bun isn’t in danger of being sold/given away! Your mom sounds like a very caring person. Very often, our first buns are acquired by accident, and what counts is what happens once you have them!

I’m glad to have you here on the site. If there is anything else you need help with, feel free to start a new thread!

[Kayla_mac1]

Thank you everybody you guys are so kind and supportive. I will defenently post an update in July of how everything turns out.

[RabbitPam]

I agree with Beka that your mom sounds very compassionate. Sometimes what is a good idea to us right away takes some time and study to convince another person of its merits. The good thing is that you do have time to wait before a spay can be done. I think you have a toehold with your mother and, with a reasonable approach over time, she may decide to assist in getting your bunny spayed.

But I do not agree with the idea of sneaking behind her back. Because she is compassionate, I really believe you will do best by being reasonable, honest and compassionate with her and together, as she trusts you and your judgement, she may pitch in and help eventually. Trust is very important to your relationship with her, just as it is for your bunny to trust you. You really do have time to handle this gradually.

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