Linky-bun… Struggling bonding…

[RetroSquid]

Both myself and my wife have posted a few times about one of our buns, Link.

He has his pal, Navi… Now, I use the term “pal” very loosely, as, since she came back from the vets two months ago, Link just won’t accept her…

We’ve tried anything and everything from having them in the kitchen while cooking, putting them in the bottom of the washing basket and carrying them around the house, moving from room to room, swapping cages… You name it, it seems like we’ve tried it…
Everything except truly man handling the little terror, but he just won’t accept Navi back after the vets…

He’s kind of fine when they’re out and being stressed, he seeks her for comfort and the likes, and she lets him snuggle in and licks his head… But it never lasts… After a few minutes, clearly when he’s feeling a bit better, he’s straight back at biting her…

He bites her nose, face, bum, anything he can get hold of…

We are almost at the point where she is considering rehoming Link, because, as we now have two rabbits that we have to provide for separately, we’re struggling somewhat for time, with my wife at work and myself at university and we’re finding it increasingly difficult to give each of them the time they deserve.
When they lived together, both Link and Navi seemed so happy, now, he just seems so angry all the time, and Navi is getting to the point where she’s becoming quite anxious of him.

My wife stumbled upon “Bach Flower Remedy” and is wondering if anyone has had an experiences with it, also, any and all advice is more welcome than you could possibly imagine.

I love this bun, but his behaviour is almost literally tearing the household apart… :'(

We’re at our wit’s end…

[MoveDiagonally]

Here is the post (from your wife I think?) in case others want more background info:
https://binkybunny.com/FORUM/tabid/54/aft/127464/Default.aspx

You two have been through the ringer with bunnies and other issues. I really feel for you both and I’m sorry bonding is just not working right now.  

One thing I noticed reading back through some of the older threads about this is Link’s situation. He was bonded with Zelda and tragically lost her. He was then bonded with Navi but after the surgery and separation he doesn’t seem to “know” her anymore. Because he doesn’t “recognize” Navi now he doesn’t understand that she’s the same bunny from his second bond. For Link his companion was taken away and never came back so he’s lost two bond mates fairly quickly. That’s a lot of turmoil for anyone and because he’s a rabbit he doesn’t understand why his friends keep vanishing. I think this might have a lot to do with him acting out.

I think a break would do everyone in this situation a lot of good. The bunnies and both of you. I know caring for single rabbits is harder than caring for bonded ones but maybe you could alternate days? Navi is out one day and Link the next? It’s not ideal but if it gives you all a bit of respite I think it would be worth it. After a couple weeks or a month you could start trying to bond again slowly. Begin with switching litter boxes and maybe stuffed animals and then move on to short, maybe 5 minute, sessions in a neutral place. Do one a day, then two, ect… Ease back into it. Bonding is really emotionally and mentally draining on humans and bunnies and sometimes a break can make all the difference.

Best of luck and please do keep us posted on how things are going. If you decide to take a break and try again later maybe starting a thread will help. People can give you feedback and support throughout the process. I really hope it works out for these two. I’m rooting for them!

On the Bach’s Flower Remedy (Rescue Remedy?) I have not tried it but I’ve heard others here mention it. Hopefully they will chime in.

(P.S. I’m going to move this to the bonding section of the forum)

[tanlover14]

Hey there – MD informed me you were looking for advice so I thought I’d pipe in.

I really do agree with MD. You ALL need a break. Take a break and do what MD said, alternate days. Or even just a spend A LITTLE time with both each day. It won’t hurt them and at one point I had three little ones to do this with so I really do feel your pain. My boyfriend and I both work full-time and go to school (me full-time and him full-time) so when I say I understand your situation, I really do. And I feel for you both. I have five bonded rabbits but even bonded I must still find the time to spend with all of them separately also and it CAN be very draining. My boyfriend and I typically take different days to help ease up on the time. Your rabbits will not suffer if they must spend less time out or with you guys as a short-term solution until you can make more progress so don’t feel bad about that.

Now… to the bonding. I’m going to be a little harsh, for lack of a better term to use in my mind right now. I believe you and your wife need to approach bonding from a completely different angle. I believe some of your problems are stemming towards your expectations for Link. As MD said – Links experiences are quite similar to losing TWO best bunny friends which is extremely difficult for a rabbit. Some rabbits do need a small period of mourning also so maybe taking a good two weeks off from bonding will do every one (including him) some good. To put it bluntly… I do believe you are putting all your expectations when it comes to bonding on him and when it goes bad, quite possibly your frustration is causing him to lash out. Is this your fault? No. I’ve done it during bonding a million times and Ive had to step back and take a break and reassess the situation. You must take time to understand that he needs to learn to trust Navi (which he quite obviously doesn’t). He’s making a bond with another rabbit for LIFE. That’s a very long time and a lot of expectations for him to hold. I understand your frustration comes from you trying so hard to make this work… so quite simply, stop trying and expecting. Wait two weeks. And then slowly begin bonding again. I think you should take it day by day. And start with an open heart and mind – for Link’s sake. Start with a fresh slate. I am a FIRM believer that our frustrations are quite easily picked up by our rabbits and during bonding I’ve always felt it can lead to disaster for all involved – stress, frustration, and anger are NOT things you want to bring into a bonding session. If you get frustrated during a session, then one of you needs to walk away and the other needs to keep a calm and accepting role towards Link and their bonding. My rabbit Tanger would literally FEED off our frustration. He would snap, bite, lunge, and basically try to tear my poor Simbas face off during bonding so I do understand how hard it can be. But I got my rabbits it through it and I really believe you can get yours through it if you are willing to put in the extra effort to make sure Link has a chance to stay in your family.

If you’re willing to try, I’d love to help you and your wife with your daily bonding. I have a rabbit site called Wheek Wheek Thump that you can look up that also has some bonding posts and things I have learned myself from bonding.

http://www.wheekwheekthump.com is the site if you’re interested. I would also be willing to do some skype sessions with you to check out the situation and what exactly seems to be happening with the two during the bonding sessions. Sometimes it’s the little things you don’t notice until afterwards with bonding. You can also take videos of the session and myself and others will gladly help assess the situation and offer our input.

Let me know if you guys are interested in taking any of these routes!!

[RetroSquid]

Yeah, that’s my wife’s post.
Indeed, I’ve said that about Link a few times, that we just keep taking his pals away, leaving him confused and alone… again…
I feel sorry for him more than anything, and rehoming him would just a very very last resort if we weren’t able to provide for him properly.

https://binkybunny.com/FORUM/tabid/54/aft/125887/Default.aspx
Is kind of where everything started to go wrong.

I feel so sorry for Navi, also…
We’ve actually considered sending Link to boarding for maybe a week, so, when he comes home it isn’t his territory any more, but honestly, I’m a little concerned that might make him even more uneasy…

We don’t actually have any soft toys in our bun room… It’s filled with edible tubes and gnawing treats and large cardboard boxes, but, have just dug out some old teddies from many years ago, going to see how they respond to them.

Gah, and thanks for putting the post in the right place

[tanlover14]

Oh yes, could you give me a brief layout of the situation in regards to housing? Are they housed in the same room? Visible to each other?

I’m wondering because some rabbits during bonding can really get themselves riled up about seeing the other in their area; I believe they think the other rabbit has access to “their territory”. I’m curious as to whether some of his behavior is stemming from pent up frustration from being in view of the other bunny while not bonding. I think while they’re not bonding it can be very important with some rabbits to ensure they have no access or visual access to the other rabbit. It can really get them going – although I’m not sure why this happens with some rabbits and not others. I used towels to put over the sides of the x pens (cages) so they couldn’t visibly see one another.

[RetroSquid]

Hi, I’m “the wife” Can’t get into my account at the moment, so stealing Ben’s.
Thank you both so much for your advice, we truly appreciate it.
And what you say makes total sense. Link lost two best friends within a couple of months, I just didn’t understand how much it could affect them. We are both big animal lovers and try our best, but rabbit behaviour is fairly new to us.
I just don’t understand how Link can be this way towards his friend who he cuddled with for months. How can he not see that it’s the same bun he loved before?
A bit about our accommodation: we live in a 2 bed flat/apartment, the buns have free reign of the 2nd bedroom which is full of their tubes, toys and has a sofa for us humans to visit them. We have 2 cages, one for each, but put them together so they had extra room when they were bonded before this mess. (They are only in their cages when we are out of the flat as I worry they’ll get into mischief while we are out, like get stuck on top of their cages).
When we realised there was an issue after Navi had her operation and came back, we kept them in separate cages, but side by side (as our vet recommended) so that they could still see and smell each other.
Link is the only aggressive rabbit. Navi has always been very loving. She has never bitten Link or tried to. She is submissive to him and wants love.No matter how bad Link has been to her, she always comes back to him to groom him and cuddle (before he bites again). So the aggression is very much one sided. What I have noticed though, is that Navi seems to be quite submissive towards him, but Link doesnt know what to do with that. He doesnt try to dominate to establish a hierarchy. So Navi then tries to dominate Link. Which makes him mad. I think they are both a bit confused.
When we’ve been bonding them, we take them out of their room. We’ve tried a small area in our bedroom, the kitchen, the kitchen with the washing machine on to try to stress them, the bathroom, the hallway. Everything. It’s always the same. They huddle, but once Link seems more confident, as soon as Navi is close, he’ll try to bite or chase her.
As my husband said, rehoming would be a last resort as we truly love both of them. I just worry about Navi, how much of this horrible behaviour can she put up with? I would actually feel better if she was nipping him back and standing up for herself a little. But she just takes it then offers him love.

[RetroSquid]

On a related note, we’ve been thinking about buying new cages and moving them both into our bedroom (a room swap with us moving into their room). Do you think this change in territory would help at all? Or should we still give it a few weeks break?

[MoveDiagonally]

I don’t think swapping new rooms or buying new cages is necessary but if it’s something you want to do and try then I on’t think it will hurt. I think a break would be good regardless. Sometimes with bonding negativity can build up and it’s helpful to let everyone relax a bit.

Him not recognizing her is about smell really. When she came back from the overnight at the vet she smelled different and from that point on he saw her as a “new” rabbit. I think TL made some really great points about the expectations or emotions placed on Link. I understand that it’s easy to see the aggressive bunny as the “problem” but it’s important to understand that he’s not being malicious. He’s treating Navi as most any rabbit would treat another rabbit they feel is “invading”. It’s not that he’s “mean” he just doesn’t understand what happened and is processing things in a way that makes sense to his bunny brain.

I think if you do go the break route it might help if you both make a good effort in trying to re-connect with a single Link. Try to enjoy him without the frustration of bonding. Keep us posted! I definitely can tell you love these bunnies. You would have given up and wouldn’t be seeking help if you didn’t love them a lot. TL and I have bonded quintets (5 bunnies together) and we’ve both had easy and tough bonds. We definitely understand what you’re going through!

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