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The subject of intentional breeding or meat rabbits is prohibited. The answers provided on this board are for general guideline purposes only. The information is not intended to diagnose or treat your pet.  It is your responsibility to assess the information being given and seek professional advice/second opinion from your veterinarian and/or qualified behaviorist.

BINKYBUNNY FORUMS

Forum THE LOUNGE I need some feedback

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    • TARM
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      1253 posts Send Private Message

        Our rescue website is going to be redesigned pretty soon and I’m working on some content.  I just wrote a story about a bunny that was born in a pet store and winds up in rescue.  It’s a first draft so it’s pretty raw but I would appreciate it if you could tell me whether it tugs at your heartstrings.  I’m looking for a strong reaction that will make potential rabbit owners decide that adopting is a better option than buying.

        Thanks in advance!

        I was born in a pet store. My mom and dad were litter mates. They should not have been housed together but the pet store people thought they were both boys. We were kept in a back room with my mother until my siblings and I were six weeks old. Then we were moved out front to a glass enclosure filled with pine shavings. Lots of people reached in to pet us. We darted this way and that, avoiding their hands. They were big and scary. 

         
        After being in the glass house for a couple of days a family picked me to be their pet. They didn’t know anything about rabbits other than we are soft and cute. The pet store people don’t know much about us either so they offer no useful information to my new family on how to care for me. 
         
        A small cage is purchased. It is filled with pine shavings that are bad for me to live in. They pick out food that has lots of colors in it. It tastes yummy but makes me feel yucky. A plastic water bottle is what I will drink from. I will be all by myself. There are no toys and not enough room for me to hop or play.
         
        I live in the cage inside the house until I am six months old. I do not like my people. The small ones are very noisy. The big ones mostly ignore me. When they try to pick me up I dodge their hands. There is nowhere for me to go except from corner to corner. They catch me quickly; muttering coarse words, and stick me in a big box. They change my shavings and put me back in my cage. That will be the last time they attempt to touch me until they change my shavings again next week. 
         
        I try to keep my toilet area in one corner of the cage but it doesn’t take long before urine and feces are mixed in with the shavings I try to keep clean. I have no place to sit or lay that isn’t dirty. It’s on my feet and in my fur. I have not been spayed so my cage is pretty smelly. I am irritable. I am unhappy. And my people are unhappy with me. They decide that it’s time to move me outside.
         
        My house was built just for me. A family project, I heard them say. It looks nice from the outside. The wood is fresh and new, the chicken wire making up the enclosure is not yet rusted. The wire floor seems like a good way to keep things clean. I have no litter box, which I would love to have instead, but they think I’m happy not sitting in my own filth. 
         
        What they don’t know is the wire floor cuts into my feet. When I lay down it bites into my flesh. My fur is not thick enough to cushion me. 
         
        I’m lonely too.   They don’t pay much attention to me out here. They come out to feed me and give me water once a day but they don’t pet me. The food and water they give me in the morning has to last until tomorrow. If I run out of water before then I will not be given any more. I do not get any hay; they don’t know I should eat a lot of it. I see the grass on the ground and long to eat it, but I can’t. 
         
        They think the days are breezy and bright. Perfect for lying under a ray of sunshine, soaking up the warmth. The smell of the grass and the sounds of birds chirping make them believe I am happy to live out here. But they don’t take into consideration that not every day is the weather mild. When it rains I get wet. When it’s cold I am freezing. When it’s hot I have no way to escape the heat. 
         
        Soon summer fades to winter. When it’s too cold they sometimes decide not to come out and feed me. They do not want to feel the biting wind for the short time it takes to bring me food. When I have water sometimes it freezes and I cannot drink. I don’t know how I survive. The wooden box they recently gave me doesn’t provide much comfort. The straw they put in it helps me retain some of my heat, but not enough so that I feel warm.
         
        The temperature drops to 30 degrees. It snows during the night. In the morning I hear the young ones come outside to play. I poke my head out of my box to see what they’re doing. Everything is white and they are making snow angels. They do not notice me watching them.
         
        Eventually winter ends and spring arrives. The weather is so much easier to live in.  I get fed almost every day. 
        \
        Then one day something strange happens. The man comes outside with a cardboard box. He opens my hutch, grabs me quickly, sets me in the box, and closes the top. It’s dark and I cannot see. It’s scary. He puts me in the car and we take a ride. When we get out of the car we go into a building that is full of noise and strange smells. He sets me on the counter, I hear him talking to someone. The top of the box is opened and a lady looks inside. I am shivering in the corner of the box. She calls someone over and that person takes me away. I am lifted out of the box and placed in a cage. It is mostly wire but there is a solid space for me to lie on. There is food waiting for me and a full water bottle. There is also hay. It smells so good and I immediately start munching on it. 
         
        This place smells of fear and despair. I would be afraid if I wasn’t so grateful to be inside. I am not hungry or thirsty and though I am alone in my cage I can sense others just like me close by.
         
        I am here for a week before I meet her. A nice lady from a place called a rescue has come for me. She stands outside of my cage and talks to me. She says hello, introduces herself, and tells me I will be safe and well cared for with her.  
         
        I am placed in a carrier and take another ride in a car. I am not the only one she’s saving today. Three others are also in carriers riding with us.
         
        When we arrive at the rescue people come outside to help her carry us in. There are rooms ready for us. They are spacious, warm, and there are toys! The floors are metal, covered with rugs. It feels good under my feet. There is a big bowl of clean water, not a bottle, and after figuring out how to drink from it without dipping my nose too far into it; I drink for a long time. There is a bowl with pellets. They are all green, there are no colors, and they smell so yummy. The taste is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I gobble them up. There is also something strange they call “greens” placed in front of me. I examine them and then look to see what the others are doing with them. The rabbits that have been here for a while are happily munching away on them. I take a tentative bite and I am immediately in heaven. The flavors dancing over my tongue are like nothing I’ve ever known. I eat them greedily, afraid that if I wait too long they will be taken away. 
         
        The atmosphere here is very calm. It’s not quite happy because we would all rather be in a home of our own, but this is not a bad place to wait. It’s much better than my last home and way better than the public shelter. 
         
        After I eat I explore my cage some more and find a large rack filled with hay. It’s better than the stuff at the shelter and if I weren’t so full I would taste it. I decide it will be OK to wait until later to try it and move on to the next new thing.
         
        I have a litter box! It is filled with soft material called “Carefresh”. It does not make my nose itch or my throat burn like the pine shavings did. It is sitting beside the hay rack so I can conveniently eat hay while taking care of other business.
         
        I think I love this place. They tell me I will be spayed, and after that they will help me find a good home. I believe them. I can’t wait to find out where they will send me next.
         
        A couple of days after I arrive I am taken to be spayed. I don’t remember much about this experience, as I was asleep for most of it. Recuperating was a little uncomfortable but I remember that this is the step I need to take to find a new home, so it is worth it. After two weeks I am ready. 
         
        The lady tells me I have someone coming to see me today. There is a handsome boy bunny that needs a friend. She explains to me that if I am nice to this boy I could go home with him. I will never be lonely again and my owners will be good people.
         
        Hours later they arrive. I hear them chattering as the lady tells my potential new owner how old I am and where I came from. The potential owner makes some sad sounds and then peers into my room. I look back at her, on my best behavior. I want her to like me. I am picked up easily and placed into a pen with the boy who may soon be my companion. 
         
        He ignores me at first and I follow his lead. I have no idea what “being nice” entails. After a few minutes he comes over and sniffs me. I sit still and let him. He doesn’t say anything and quickly walks away. I wonder if I have done something displeasing to him.
         
        He comes back and sniffs me again. He says “You can sniff me back. That’s the only way we’ll know if we will like each other.” So I do. He sits still and allows me to breathe him in. We sit beside each other for a moment and then he says “There’s some hay over there. Let’s go get some!” and I follow. We eat together and then we size each other up some more. I do everything he says because he seems nice and I think I would like to be friends with him. After some more exploring of each other he flops down on his side and says “You can come lay with me if you want…” I lay down next to him and his owner says “Wow, this is a really easy match!” The rescue lady says “Yes, it is. Sometimes it happens like that.” 
         
        The boy’s owner says to him “Do you like her? Would you like to take her home?” He looks at me for a moment and says “Do you want to come home with me?”  And I breathe a sigh of relief. I answer that yes, I would very much like to go home with him.
         
        He looks at our owner with a twinkle in his eye. She says to the rescue lady “Yes. We’ll take her.” 
         
        The rescue lady picks me up, gives me a hug and says “Congratulations little girl! You have a home. And this is a good home. And don’t worry. If for some reason it doesn’t work out you will come back here and we will try again. “
         
        My heart is full of joy. I’ve never felt like this before but I know that today is only the first day of more good things to come. 

         

         

         


      • jerseygirl
        Moderator
        22342 posts Send Private Message

          The sentences are concise & to the point. The whole story educates and still reads like a story. I love it!
          btw, I’ve visited bunnylu webby a bit lately, checking out the bunnies you’ve mentioned. Didn’t see the new flemish boy though…


        • RabbitPam
          Moderator
          11002 posts Send Private Message

            It’s an excellent story. I am picturing it with little photos along the way of bunnies in each situation.

            Only one small criticism: I think the Public Shelter could be viewed in a more positive light. They are the first to help, they contact your rescue, and they provide what they can with limited resources. As the first contact for a family dumping a pet, I think they begin the path of assistance. That’s just my impression – a tiny bit of editing the sentences referring to them would do the trick.

            What? No description of the new home? The new condo? Bed? TV with her own remote?
            Please post a link when you’re finished!


          • TARM
            Participant
            1253 posts Send Private Message

              Jers, the new flemmie boy has ear mites and isn’t neutered yet. He’ll go up on petfinder when all that is taken care of.

              You’re right, RP. I didn’t think about that as I was writing it, I was focusing on the rescue part. I’ll have to think of a way to fix it.


            • Monkeybun
              Participant
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                *sniffles*

                *grabby hands at the poor bunbun* Makes me want to bring her home myself, poor baby! *snuggles for storybun*


              • Dextervonbon
                Participant
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                  Wow I love it! I started to get a little teary eyed reading it.


                • Beka27
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                    I think it’s perfect. It was definitely sad but very true. You describe it so well.


                  • Sarita
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                      I think it’s a great story however I think it’s rather long. This is my own personal opinion but people today who get on the internet seem less likely to read a story like they would in a book. I’ve heard this discussed on NPR as well and I believe it – people read the internet much differently – it’s more of bullet points or short news stories that most people will actually sit down to read. I think you want to keep that in mind. I think the internet has changed the way people read stories and information. Not really a good thing but it is what it is.

                      Seems like short bullet points work best – not sure how you would do that for this story or if there is a way you can break it up into smaller vingettes to keep people reading.


                    • TARM
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                        I don’t have any idea how to shorten the story. If it turns into bullets it won’t be a story any more, it’ll be factoids. I definitely want it to stay in story form. I guess it can be one of those things where if people are interested they’ll read it. If they aren’t they won’t.


                      • Sarita
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                          Perhaps you can do “chapters”.

                          Chapter One – The Pet Store
                          Chapter Two – First Home

                          Something to break it up so it doesn’t seem like one very long story. If I can think of anything else I’ll let you know.


                        • Cassi&Charlie
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                            It’s a very descriptive story, I like how you managed to mostly avoid the use of rabbit owner jargon lol, don’t want to scare of the new bunny owners with too many words.
                            I got teary, it tugged at my heart strings. I wanted to bring her home!

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                        Forum THE LOUNGE I need some feedback