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BINKYBUNNY FORUMS

Forum THE LOUNGE unreasonably mad (not bunny related)

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    • babybunsmum
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        please excuse me while i vent

        i’m sure this reveals a childish not-so-attractive part of me but grr i’m mad!  i work for a small sized (40 employees) builder / developer.  i design buildings and site plans, and coordinate work between the architect and engineers… basically the design and drawings from permit application to construction.  there are 2 other guys who work in the office in the same capacity as i do, as well as my manager. 

        nearly every friday the project managers (who work mostly out on site) and a couple of other ‘boys’ from site go out for a drink after work.  my two male colleagues are invited to join but i’m not.  ever.  i know it sounds incredibly whiney and childish but it really steams me!  i like talking to my colleagues about the ins and outs of working for this company and in the industry.  i hate that i miss out on the camraderie just because i don’t have the male appendage! 

        i get the whole “girls” or “boys night out” thing but i think it is completely inappropriate in the workplace.  its just so 1952.  grrr.

        *sighs*

        okay… rant over.  continue with your usual bb lounging


      • Sarita
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          Sounds like you work at the Mad Men place.

          If you were invited, would you go? If so, would you really enjoy it? I have a feeling they may be afraid to of a sexual harassment problem too.


        • Elrohwen
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            I’m an engineer which is always a male dominated field, so I totally know how you feel. Generally I’m good at getting in with the guys, but typically only if they’re younger – the old white men still don’t want to hang out with me.

            I feel your pain. But would you really have fun with them? If one is more of a “friend” then the others, I would just ask him if you can tag along. But if you really don’t have relationships with any of them outside of your job, I wouldn’t bother.


          • jerseygirl
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              Is it more so that you should at least be invited? That’s what I’d be peeved about, the very obvious exclusion due to your sex. But I’d be more peeved if it was differences in pay !! Just thinking now though, meetings outside work with work people can be an advantage. They may be more in with company knowledge and opportunities that might come up.


            • Beka27
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                That is frustrating. I’m sorry :o( I don’t really know what to tell you. Can you go out with another friend and happen to “bump into them” there?


              • jerseygirl
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                  Good idea!


                • Monkeybun
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                    I so know the feeling.. I used to do renovations and new building painting contracts, and I was the ONLY girl on the sites. I was always the odd one out for invites to places too, for the first while. Til I butted myself in on some of their jokes and ended up being One of the Guys. Took aaaages, finally discovered that yeah, they didn’t want to offend me, or make me feel like I was being harrassed or anything.


                  • Cassi&Charlie
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                      That’s not unreasonable! I work within a male dominated industry and I just invite myself to things 🙂 I never have fun but I like to remind them that I exist.


                    • Lintini
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                        A couple of my friends from work and I am also in Orchestra with one; they keep going out and I am not invited and I considered Josh to be a good friend but I too am wondering why do they not invite me? I get along great with them and act like one of the guys too. Honostly…I just wouldn’t let it get to you, it sucks and you wonder…but I bet you would have more fun if you called up a really good friend of yours and went out with them instead. Maybe they are intimidated by you or they think you wouldn’t actually like hanging out with. Or you could be really blunt and ask why they don’t, I’m pretty close to asking Josh why I’m not invited to hang out with the boys myself. Heck, just invite yourself! Nothing wrong with tagging along :p


                      • Kokaneeandkahlua
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                          OMG I would have steam coming out my ears like a 1950’s cartoon character!!!
                          I cannot imagine. Its after work but that’s almost harassment.

                          That reminds me of the Friends episode (did you watch Friends) were Rachel got a new job and because she didn’t smoke she didn’t get any facetime with her boss-so she took it up again even though she quit.

                          Any chance some of them would go for drinks with you if you asked? The only thing I could suggest-and this is what I would do-is invite JUST those few that I liked and knew would come and go with them -maybe on a different night so you don’t get left out and they go with the other boys. Make a ‘hump day’ sports bar beer and wings thing-and only invite some of them.

                          My thinking is not to make the others jealous but to let them know you like beer too-and being included. Then the group who goes with you on your night is going to want to invite you on their night.

                          And then I’d ensure my ‘boys club drinks’ were more exclusive, and better.


                        • jerseygirl
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                            Invite them on a “hump day” ?       Um, translation?


                          • babybunsmum
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                              lol k&k… i totally remember that friends episode. too funny.

                              thanks so much for the replies and advice everyone! it’s weird… being one of two women in a college class of 60 and having worked in a male dominated field i got used to being included as ‘one of the boys’. its been 20 years since i graduated (yikes!) and this is the first time i’ve been excluded. my nose is def out of joint. its true… i wouldnt neccessarily have a lot of fun and my acting like ‘one of the boys’ days are over. its cute when you’re in your 20’s but i’ll be 40 this year and its just not where i’m at anymore.

                              i did ask one of my office colleagues about not being included and his response was basically “oh, christine, you don’t want to go to that”. he’s a very chivalrous man and so it said a lot for what must go on at these events. still… i don’t like not being invited. it’s just rude. but more importantly i don’t like missing out on opportunities to hear whats going on out on site – the unofficial version – and hear where my colleagues are at. i use that feedback to be better at my job.

                              getting a few of us together for hump-day drinks is a great idea! i’m going to get something like that started


                            • babybunsmum
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                                Posted By jerseygirl on 01/09/2010 05:17 AM

                                Invite them on a “hump day” ?       Um, translation?

                                 

                                lmao

                                yeah… hump day = wednesday because its the middle of the week.  you know… get over the hump towards the weekend.

                                is that just a canadian saying?


                              • jerseygirl
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                                  Oh! ok. I think I’ve vaguely heard of that. I’ve spent to much time reading bonding stories I think!


                                • Monkeybun
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                                    Must be a canadian thing, my hubby looked at me funny when i said it to him… I totally know what it is, being from Vancouver lol. He’s a silly american tho, and totally clueless hehe


                                  • Kokaneeandkahlua
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                                      Hehehe ok glad someone fielded humpday for me I didn’t realize not everyone had heard of it :p So that was interesting :p


                                    • babybunsmum
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                                        update…

                                        on monday i still had a bitter taste in my mouth about not getting invited out. so just now one of the 2 office colleagues in my department thanked the other for buying him drinks last friday night. we work in a big open office and it was said right next to me. perfect opportunity. i said “what? you guys went out for drinks? where was my invitation? seriously, do i smell bad or something?” they both laughed and muttered stuff about it being only a bunch of guys and that i wouldn’t want to go – just like the last time i spoke up.

                                        this time in response to that i said (with a smile and a laugh) “so? i can’t help it that all my co-workers are guys. what kind of camaraderie does that build? to exclude one person?” which is funny because we – me and these 2 guys – *just* had a discussion last week about how we appreciate the camaraderie and how it makes the job better. haha. so perfect.

                                        after that i got a couple of feeble ‘sorry man’ s and that they’d let me know the next time. it was all said with lightness – thank goodness i didn’t open my mouth monday or i couldnt have pulled off lightness. but i can’t help feeling like if there is a ‘next time’ and i go along it’ll be like the episode of friends where phoebe tells chandler about a work party but doesn’t want to show up with him so she’s not ‘the one who invited the boss’. oh well. i seriously *do* want to go out for drinks and if they had me out they’d realize i wouldn’t interfere in the vibe.


                                      • Sage Cat
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                                          It is possible that they are oblivious and didn’t know you would want to go.
                                          I’m glad you let it be known you would like to go!!!

                                          I have the opposite problem – I am “one of the guys”, often included in guy activities and NEVER included in with “the girls”.
                                          BTW – yes, I am female.

                                          Do you remember the movie Erin Brockovich, there is a scene where her boss asks where some woman is. It goes something like this:
                                          Eris said “she is at lunch with the girls”
                                          He said “Aren’t you one of the girls?”
                                          Erin “I’m not the right kind of girl!”
                                          That is how I feel.


                                        • babybunsmum
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                                            ah well… i’m glad i let it be known too sage cat! your erin brockovich situation sucks. its just work… no need to establish close personal relationships with everybody. its just so grade 2 to leave people out. seriously.


                                          • vaderslave
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                                              hey, just to butt in — I’m very American and I’ve heard of hump day but then again, I live in a small community and a lot of people around here go to Canada for fun and whatnot


                                            • Kokaneeandkahlua
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                                                It is possible that they are oblivious and didn’t know you would want to go.

                                                Umn duhhh-they ARE males I don’t think Dave has even noticed we own a dog eheheh

                                                BBM what an oppurutunity!!! That sounds like it went GREAT -and you handled it SUPER Keep us posted on the ‘cavemen’ and if you go for drinks with them


                                              • Monkeybun
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                                                  Do you think my hubby would notice if a 3rd bunny moved in? >.>


                                                • babybunsmum
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                                                    lol… give it a try monkeybun

                                                    k&k i guess that makes sense. its been so long since i’ve lived in a household with any male that sometimes i forget they don’t always notice things.

                                                    my dad – bless his heart – comforted me so lovingly once as i sobbed over a really bad streak job on my hair back when i was in college. haha (it was terrible… i have dark brown hair and the ‘subtle highlights’ were bleach blond… not the style back in the 90’s and i was v. distraught) when i stopped crying he had to ask me what was wrong because… somehow… he hadn’t even noticed my wildly obvious circus-freak hairdo

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                                                Forum THE LOUNGE unreasonably mad (not bunny related)