Dont know what to think…

[Kafrn]

I feel terrible. I just dont know what to think about this at all…

My daughter is 5. She has just stared school this year. Her favourite day is library day, and she loves bringing all the new books home to read.

Last week she came home with a  book called “Dust”.   She had been reading it at lunch time at school, and was really upset by it. She said it was a spooky book. Then the conversation was forgotten about, but for the next few days she had terrible nightmares, has been very clingy and upset etc…

Last night she pulled the book out of her bag and asked if I could get rid of it because it scared her. I  couldnt understand what she was so worried about, but I took the book, and put it away, and then had a rough time getting her to sleep because she didnt want me to leave her, and she was just really quite distraught.

After she went to sleep I had a look at the book. It is by “save the children”, and has won many awards. I’ll try and explain it but dont know it word for word (I dont have it with me at the moment, but you will get the general idea)

The first page is a child that is flying up into the night sky, and it says “I died tonight”

The next page says “Yesterday my mum and dad took me to the middle of a paddock and tied me up with sticks and left me there in the hot sun”

Next Page: “When I woke up in the morning mum was stiff and cold, I was still in her arms but I hadnt eaten for days so I couldnt move”

Next Page: Has pictures of vultures in the tree above them and says something about the vultures eating them when they are dead

Then there is a picture of him lying in his dead mothers arms, and his mum is blue, and her eyes have rolled back in her head (Its really graphic)

then there is a picture of death (the skeleton with the big knife, in a cape), leading a bunch of little kids away from the world. 

Then there is a picture of the mother and her child (that both died) as skeletons because they have been left out in the paddock. It said “The sun took our lives away”

 

Im not sure what to think , because I know that this happens in the world, and I am not trying to shelter Darci from it or anything like that. We donate as much money as we can to World Vision and other foundations around the world, so that we can help out as much as we can. I understand that the book is probably meant for older children, and that perhaps the year 6 and 7s would probably study it to learn what happens around the world.

Darci is 5.  what ever she read in this book, I dont think she understood correctly. Now she is terrified that the skeleton is going to take her (in her words) and cut the children with his big knife and kill them, and she will never see her family again. and she is also worried that I am going to die (she must have read that bit about the mother as well) I have explained the situation to her as best I could to help ease her mind, and she says that she understands, but she cant stop thinking about the pictures.  She is scared to go to sleep, scared to leave me.

 

What would you guys do?

 

 

[Elrohwen]

I think something like that would’ve given me nightmares until I was at least 10! That’s way too dark of a subject matter for a 5 year old, IMO. I think your daughter will just get over it with time, but I’m sure it’s really tough for her right now 🙁 Just give her some extra hugs and try to explain that what happened in that book will not happen to her.

[RabbitPam]

You might quietly bring it back to her library and let the librarian know how much it upset her. I am thinking that it may have been misfiled, and should be in a section for older children. I don’t mean to advocate a censorship of books at all, but if you alert the librarian to its content and effect, she may be aware of it the next time a child wants to check it out, and check out their age before they do so.

I am wondering if you could read a lovely book together about a mother and daughter to ease the images in her mind and explain that they are all stories and books take us to places we may otherwise never get to. They do not describe our own lives, just those for other people.

But I understand her fear. I was 11 when I started to read the Award winning book, Night, about the Holocaust, for religious school. I put it down on chapter two and was crying badly. I never read more of it again. It’s much scarier when it is a true story, not fiction.

P.S. Don’t ever take her to see Bambi!!!

[Barbie]

Grrr. I had a big long response typed out and I refreshed the page accidentally and my response disappeared!!!

Ok so quick recap: Poor baby! And poor you! I’m not a mommy (yet!) but here’s what I would do:

Definitely explain to Darci that you’ll always protect her, and that she won’t ever have to face those problems. Explain to her in simple terms that there are parts of the world that don’t have running water and electricity yet and life there is much harder, so the author wrote the book to tell other people about those people’s problems. Tell her that you are helping by donating money to foundations that use your donations to help others. Involve her in writing the check and mailing it so she can feel that she personally is helping.

I do think that this will blow over, but you don’t want to brush it under the rug, nor do you want to blow it out of proportion. Just make sure she knows that you will always provide for her and no skeletons are coming to get her! If you think she’ll understand it, explain that the pictures of the skeleton were purely metaphorical and were just to represent the problems some people face, that he’s not real.

It might help if you get her a cute necklace with a dog or a bunny charm, or better yet a symbol of your religion (don’t want to assume) and tell her that the dog/bunny/God/Allah/Budda…. (trying to be PC!) will protect her. I think that by having a small object to rub/hold when she’s scared will help her focus on the object rather than her fears and she’ll forget about being scared. As a benefit, if you go with the religious symbol, you can teach her to trust in your religion and help her develop her faith.

So I’m no child psychologist, I’m not even a mom, but… that’s what I would do if I was in your position right now!

Good luck!

[Barbie]

Oh and yes, I think you should mention to the librarian that you think that book was a bit too mature for a five year old and perhaps they should put it somewhere for the older children. I think it would have scared me even now!

[Lara]

Oh, poor thing! I was the same as your daughter when I was a kid… always reading, and when I ran out of books for my age level, I read the more advanced level books. I brought home a book about puffins in oil spills. I don’t remember the whole story, but there was a great puffin spirit who punished men for hurting his puffins… I couldn’t sleep for a week. I obviously was too young to understand the book’s message, and your daughter is, too.

I think that the suggestions you’ve gotten so far are great; but I really think that the impact has already been made, and you just need to wait for her to get over it. You can help her do so by convincing her she is safe, etc., but I still think it will take at least a few days. I hope she feels nice and safe very soon! Good luck!

[angelicvampyre]

Ok that just scared me! and I am nearly 30! What the F is that about, sorry going to have to go look up this book, strange. I have real issues with what kids read. i understand that we need to expose them to certain things but there is a time and place and i think this book is not doing your daughter any favours. I would tell the school in a calm manner what happened (as soon as you start looking defensive they start using the censorship words to cover themselves) so I always do the “just thought you should know…” approach and act as if you are not that worried about it but just wanted to give them the heads up. Also you could sit down with your daughter and “read” the book with her, talking to her and expalining that is what my mum did when I read a book about a horse that was going to be killed for meat and got upset as a child. But you have to gage your daughters mental well being and work it out from there

[Kafrn]

Thank you so much for those responses! they helped a lot!
I just wasnt sure how to approach the situation, because I dindt want to blow it out of proportion for her. But dont worry, I wouldnt brush it under the rug. I think the idea of getting a mummy book is a great idea! I will do that on my way home tonight! And I will explain that books can take us to many places, thanks for that Rabbit Pam! Night sounds pretty terrifying, I think I have heard of that book before. Especially terrifying for an 11 year old.
I do understand her fear, and how seeing things can imprint in your memory. Im having the same kind of problem myself at the moment with something I came across on the internet. Its too bad to go into, but has haunted me for months.
But I think her fears of these images will fade… I think the idea of a necklace for her is brilliant! If she is feeling sad, etc, she knows it is always with her. thats Brilliant! Thanks so much!

She can be really sensitive sometimes. She cries all through when watching Peter Pan because Wendy flies away from her mum. And then more sobs at the end when Wendy sees her mum. and then more sobbing for an hour because Peter Pan doesnt have a family. But its funny because normally she is off doing her own thing, and doesnt cling to me at all! But this book has made her clingy. But Im sure she will be fine.
I will mention it to the school. I just hope they dont take it the wrong way and think that I am trying to shelter her too much. Im not! But I found a forum online that says it is for highschool studens. so it must have been misfiled.

[RabbitPam]

I just had one more thought. It is almost halloween and there are so many scary images around and lots of skeletons that it may be hard for her to rid it from her mind until after the weekend is over.
If she’s just started school this year it’s probably a bit of separation anxiety. Definitely reassure her that you’ll be there at home at night when she is away at school during the day.

I particularly like Little Bear, by by Else Holmelund Minarik, Maurice Sendak, and A Kiss for Little Bear.

[Monkeybun]

Oh my gosh, thats a horrible book for a 5 year old! Poor thing, I agree with Pam, Little Bear is great.

[Kafrn]

Thanks Rabbitpam! Im going to look it up on Ebay now!

[luvmybunny]

Yes, I agree, that book is TOO mature for a 5yr old….I got creeped out reading the pages you posted and I am less than a month from turning the big 3-0! Poor lil thing! Maybe you go with her and pick out a happier book to help her forget. I was always a scared kid, I couldn’t watch scary movies and to this day I don’t watch them because of nightmares.
But I am sure she will get over it and just reassuring her is good and she will be fine!

[katie, max & penny]

oh my goodness!! i hate to sound uneducated here, but i’ve never heard of anything like that- being locked on a paddock to die?! what the heck!!
when i was little, i read this book with ghost stories and i slept with my bible under my pillow for weeks. i totally agree with the necklace idea- i know having a tangible object definitely helped reassure me. i also slept with my mom’s sweater sometimes.

i think you definitely should tell the librarian. i think allowing a five year old to check out such a graphic book is absolutely inappropriate.

eek, the mother bear inside of me is growling BIG TIME. and im only nineteen!

[jerseygirl]

Was it illustrated by children? I wonder if it was meant to be a fund raiser book and had contributions by children that had seen war or turmoil in their part of the world? It has impact and was meant to be for adults or mature teens? Perhaps who ever purchased it for the school had seen it to be award winning, illustrated and aiding a charity – therefore a good book for the library. In my opinion, I would find it not suitable for any primary school aged children – especially a 5 yr old!! Definately talk about it with her teacher and the library. Do they supervise what the kids pick out on library day?

I guess the negative impression has been made now and the only thing to do it to try allay her fears, let her process things, and try balance things out with some more positive themed things. An amulet type charm or necklace might help a girl of her age. It’s good she is telling you what is scaring her at least – lets you know what’s going on in her imagination.

I wonder, if it was childrens illustrations whether you could tell her these children were asked to draw pictures of what their fears were – what would really scare them – and this is what they drew. Their fears may be based on what they have seen sadly – but she needn’t know too much about that reality at this age. And perhaps you could tell her what you’d draw if asked to do this – but keep it to something like a shark at the beach or putting your hands in a bucket of worms. i.e.not going into to deep true fears etc. Just throwing out some suggestions, I really don’t know how you would go about getting a child to understand such dark things – I have a hard enough time trying the grasp what can happen in this world myself!

Hopefully she’ll regain a sense of security and get passed this with lots of Mummy hugs. 

[Barbie]

Jersey, I was wondering about the book too… according to this website, it was illustrated by 14 different artists. Katie, I hadn’t heard of the book either but it looks like it was released in Australia and New Zealand… I’m from the US so maybe that’s why I hadn’t heard about it.

This website talks about the book, and you can see all the illustrations on this site too:

http://www.writeawrong.com/

[Sarita]

Interesting book, but I cannot see how this helps young children understand what the problems of the world are. For heaven’s sake, you shouldn’t have to solve these problems or worry about these when you are five. I understand there are tragedies that children experience but this books seems more scary than caring or helping a child be empathetic to a cause. No need to scare.

[katie, max & penny]

the pictures are beautiful, but absolutely terrifying.

[rach83]

poor little thing, i find alot of things they suppose are for young kids are completely unsuitable!

bought my little girl a plush owl the other day, and it came with a free DVD, which of course she wanted to watch, (she’s 2 1/2)

thing is the owl gets his eyes, feet and wings knocked off and its quite violent….she said she ‘didnt want to watch the owl anymore’

so i let her throw it in the bin.

the book sounds pretty horrific for a 5 yr old! i’d maybe get her a couple of new bits to take her mind off it, a new book, new teddy, new DVD etc.

 

 

 

[Desma]

Because of the agenda of the NWO government they are programming children young to get used to death because of the eugenics they have in plan for the population of the world. I know you probably think I am crazy but that is the plan. That is why they are teaching young children in some schools alternate life styles etc. Promoting gay marriage by the NWO will help keep the population down. Young children at the age of 5 should be enjoying life and not burdened with the evils of our society. Ignorance is bliss in some areas and I am glad that as a child, I did not know about details of sexual perversions etc and other horrible things. If I were you, I would check the books that they have to read at school. I am sorry about your little girl being scared by that. I know that little kids are also hearing and afraid of the world ending in 2012. That is what my little granddaughters tell me but since they have Jesus, they are not afraid. Praying with children at night before they go to bed, they will remember that for the rest of their lives because we are to be like little children anyhow, to enter in. That is the only hope our children have with what the NWO government plans for us.

[katie, max & penny]

is NWO the new world order? i’ve heard of the idea vaguely.

[wendyzski]

Posted By Desma on 10/30/2009 07:46 AM
Because of the agenda of the NWO government they are programming children young to get used to death because of the eugenics they have in plan for the population of the world. I know you probably think I am crazy but that is the plan. That is why they are teaching young children in some schools alternate life styles etc. Promoting gay marriage by the NWO will help keep the population down. Young children at the age of 5 should be enjoying life and not burdened with the evils of our society. Ignorance is bliss in some areas and I am glad that as a child, I did not know about details of sexual perversions etc and other horrible things. If I were you, I would check the books that they have to read at school. I am sorry about your little girl being scared by that. I know that little kids are also hearing and afraid of the world ending in 2012. That is what my little granddaughters tell me but since they have Jesus, they are not afraid. Praying with children at night before they go to bed, they will remember that for the rest of their lives because we are to be like little children anyhow, to enter in. That is the only hope our children have with what the NWO government plans for us.

 

I don’t think this board is the place to cite all the ways I disagree with you.

[mrmac]

That is terrible, especially for a 5 year old. I would get another book about death, but one that deals with it in a different way. An alternate, not scary, view of death. Also that many people have many different ways of showing what death means and is, that death can be a “good” thing and is not something to be scared of. Just mt two cents, and extra hugs for Darci!

[Author]

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